Ever since I was a pre-worker (“child,”) I dreamt of the day that I could begin my future in the econoscape. I reneged all familial and immature distractions, pouring all of my developing brain cells into learning the Art of Capital. Nary a tiddlywink bought for myself, all of my coin was saved in the hopes that I could one day be That Guy. It turns out I suck at those things, but now it doesn’t matter, since Hypermall: UNLIMITED VIOLENCE allows me to live out my lifelong fantasy of professionally performing olfactory boot polishing (visual investment.) Thank you for allowing all of us to purchase this CONSUMER PRODUCT (high quality.)