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Not a bad start. The MC thoughts fits for a boy living through a crush, even some of them made me laugh a bit. Most of the game text are the boy thoughts, which makes the game more of a monologue, especially with the lack of other enviroments that could complement his thoughts. It being a monologue is not a bad thing at all since it is a VN but it could use some other environments to improve immersion(real like cafeteria, infirmary, etc or imaginary given the boy thoughts). The plot seems promising and the OST fulfills its role adequately. Now this is more of my personal thinking and it can be considered as a flaw or as a narrative tool: the style of writing of the boy thoughts sometimes lack of grammatical resources(capital letters and ellipsis mostly). I can't tell if this is a writing flaw or its made on purpose since those are the thoughts of a boy. Anyway, at least I would suggest using ** when refering to actions such as: *sigh* to facilitate reading. Despite that, the game has potential to be worthwile, wish best to you.

BTW, when choosing for the "coward" route, I got the following error:


I'm sorry, but an uncaught exception occurred.

While running game code:

  File "game/story/death.rpy", line 301, in script

    jump theend

ScriptError: could not find label 'theend'.

Thanks for the feedback!

I agree completely with the idea that the game needs other environments. I think for the way the game has been written it's a little too late to retroactively update but I plan to have more dynamic scenes and character interaction as the game progresses.

And I have gotten some flack from friends of mine for the way the boy writes/thinks/types haha. It is on purpose, and I am very aware that they're incorrect XD. I like the suggestion of *sigh* to show it's an action rather than a thought. I'll test that out when I read it myself and/or with the next release!

As for that bug, I've just fixed it! A silly oversight while refactoring, really appreciate you pointing it out~