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I'd say be confident in your writing. It's really good as long as you actually read everything without skimming through. Although it seems that skimming through lines is actually quite common behaviour of vn readers, which causes them to skip a lot of details, and there is a lot of neat and funny details in your writing.

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Thanks for the vote of confidence! I must confess to being a bit of a skimmer myself, but hopefully the pacing is breezy enough to keep people attentive. Glad you're enjoying it!