I wanted to start off saying that this Visual Novel was enjoyable and fun to read. It was honestly a unique experience that I haven't seen in others. It is genuinely fun, a wild ride to go through, and you can see the work brimming with passion. I've been reading it with a buddy and we've been having a blast just going through chapter 1, which is surprise with how long the novel is, which is another perk.
However, there are some criticism I do have with this. Some are small and not that big of a deal, another is a bit worrying and I'll get to that shortly.
MASSIVE SPOILERS AHEAD! (not really but to be safe)
- The font: it is very difficult to read for someone with dyslexia, it's not very viewer friendly and can even cause eyestrain. I had to go into Ren'py's font option (the A key) to change to font to comic sans to read. I'm not sure why it was chosen or what it adds, but it takes away from an otherwise really good experience.
- Dialogue at the start is stilted/forced. This improves later on as the writer finds their voice and is inspiring to see how far it had vastly refined itself, and that's one of the things that's very motivational about the project is seeing you improve so well and make something really great! It's just that, I hope when you have the time, the prologue gets a bit more polishing it needs and a bit more proof reading/pacing patches.
NOW FOR THE BIGGEST CRITICISM OF THE GAME:
This was probably one of the moments where I had to stop reading because of how dumbstruck it left me, a visual novel that's got really inspiring quotes of doing better that feel like they're coming from a genuine place, had made a point to say that it was the victim's fault for being raped. It didn't help that it was also followed by these lines:
It ruined the scene, I mean tainted an otherwise really good character moment with the MC and even made Yukine look really, really bad. The first example was okay enough, not the greatest, but when this came right after, I couldn't believe it, even my friend couldn't. It felt weird and disjointed to where we weren't sure if this was the view of the creator filtering in, but it wasn't good. And it's a shame because it's just this one line that put me and my friends off from something that was really enjoyable. I thought it'd be good to bring it to your attention because I think it was just a poor judgment, a misstep to be precise. Again, I am really, really enjoying the VN, even my friends are as well, it's just this one line kind of dented a lot of the meaning and philosophy the writer is trying to make.