You asked for more brutally honest feedback on the Discord server so I'll outline my marking scheme.
Concept & Originality: I partly rate this on how it fits into the universe, since many stories can be Warhammer with a few name changes. Characters acting outside of the way their faction "should" behave is no bad thing, but the concept of a Dark Elf pulling rank, so to speak, and leveraging their father's connections is something that seems to fit more into the WH40k canon than that of One Page Rules. At best, the scene had nothing in particular that made the dwarf uniquely dwarven nor the dark elf uniquely dark elven. It was just any dad murdering any man who had attacked his daughter. As for the concept, well, an angry dad revenge fantasy on his daughter's assailant is pretty well-trod ground. From my marking scheme I gave this 2 stars: "Very standard story with no new elements".
Flow & Clarity: The flow of the story is not my favourite, simply because the elf being hit by a hammer once while the dwarf shouts about how angry he is about his daughter would have been plenty for me to grasp the situation. Perhaps a time jump to where the characters are explaining the political reality, and thus what the dwarf is sacrificing by choosing to kill the elf, would have broken things up, but as it was it felt like we knew the elf was losing the fight from the first paragraph, and too much time was given to describing a concept I already understood. Grammar and spelling, however, had no problems. I rated this 3 stars: "3. Obvious errors or flaws in pacing, but not enough to impact understanding of the story."
Adherence to the Theme: Not only was the theme of Consequences addressed, it was addressed on two levels - both the consequences of the elf's actions and the consequences the dwarf is choosing to accept. This was about as closely adherent to the theme as I've seen so far, so I gave it 5 stars: "Theme the most important part of the story and explored on more than one level."