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Arazus

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A member registered Nov 30, 2023

Recent community posts

I partly agree with your criticisms but I think they way you expressed them was not very helpful. If you want the developer to improve their work a less hostile tone would be more effective.

Also, I think the comparisons to Echo are unfair given that the similarities are hardly unique or original to Echo. Anyone who's read Stephen King's It knows that the idea of 'a group of friends reuniting in their childhood town where an ancient horror lurks' has been around for decades. In fact, at this stage I'd argue the premise of Echo is more similar to It than Silverstone's is to Echo given the antagonists of Echo and It are both incomprehensible, alien entities feeding on the negative emotions of their town's residents while the Stranger is a more person-like entity with a seemingly specific agenda. Yet no one calls Echo 'It-but-with-furries'. I see no reason why Echo should have a monopoly on this idea in the horror FVN space. The important thing is that the VN distinguishes itself enough from earlier works and I think Silverstone appears to be doing that.

This VN looks promising so far and I look forward to seeing where it goes. The artstyle is great, the nightmare sequence had some excellent writing and the soundtrack and SFX were effective. Just a few criticisms:

Adding sprite expressions should be a priority as the mismatch between the group/character's mood and some of the sprites broke my immersion quite often. If the initial sprites were more neutral in expression this probably wouldn't be as big of an issue, but seeing Mason's goofy grin during a depressing or tense scene is rather off-putting. I can see in the Dev Log that you're already planning to do this and I'd urge you to add them in for the next build because this is probably the most obvious issue right now.

I also had problems with the ending of the nightmare sequence where Zeke meets the Stranger, which is a shame because up until that point I was enjoying the writing. I found it to be rather anti-climactic and instead of enhancing the tension built up to that point it just ended up deflating it prematurely instead. I think the main reason for that was the inconsistencies in the Stranger's characterisation and the dialogue being too lengthy due to unnecessary explanation. The Stranger sounds formal and old-fashioned sometimes but occasionally they speak colloquially and the contrast is jarring. This detracts from the refined yet sinister aura that seems to have been intended. It doesn't help that Zeke's reaction to being manhandled is almost nonexistent. If he had a more pronounced fear response and showed more signs of hesitancy that would have helped portray the Stranger as something to be feared. Alternatively, having some of Zeke's internal narration about how he feels would help achieve the same purpose. Then there's the (over)explanation the Stranger gives in this scene. I don't think they need to be explaining Zeke's dream and it's mechanics, that just lowers the tension of the scene and clashes with the their previous cryptic attitude during the phone call. (As an aside, people don't actually have one long stretch of REM sleep, instead they typically cycle between REM and non-REM). I think it would be better if the Stranger got straight to the point, preferably speaking in a way that matches our first impression of them. Of course, if you deliberately want to present the Stranger differently in this scene then that's your decision but you need to find some way to address the mismatch between the reader's expectations (considering the buildup of tension and dread up to this point) and the new impression you want them to have. Otherwise the scene will be an anti-climax and break the reader's immersion. If I were you I'd completely rewrite this scene after carefully considering the impact I want to have on the reader and how I want to present the Stranger. It's the only instance in the VN where I felt the writing was notably substandard.

Finally, I felt the dialogue could be stronger if the characters' voices were differentiated better. I'd expect a diverse group of characters to have some differences in accent, vocabulary and style of speech but most of the dialogue felt too generic. I wouldn't be able to tell which character was speaking if it wasn't for context and the character tag and that's unfortunate because a unique voice helps characters feel fleshed-out and realistic.

This was a great, bite-sized horror game. It had me cycling between fear, hope and despair right until the end.

The writing is phenomenal, I really liked the description and imagery especially during the parts where the plot pauses for a moment to let the narration reflect on the scene. I'd go into more detail but I'm trying to keep this comment as spoiler-free as possible. I enjoyed the writing enough that this alone earned the game 5 stars.

I think the simple art style was effective and the way you used sprites on a static background fit the setting.

The soundtrack got a bit repetitive but the tone fit the game well. If it took a bit longer to loop I think it would've been fine.

Overall I'd definitely recommend this game to people who love horror and good writing. I'm surprised the rating isn't higher, perhaps it's skewed by a few people who can't handle the graphic violence.

This is a very strong start and I'm impressed.

The setting is interesting and I'm eager to learn more about the factions, cultures and technologies we hear about. I think the LOOM is a great way to give us information without breaking immersion and I felt it told us enough to get a general idea of the world and characters while still leaving more to be discovered in the main storyline. Ravy's Story Time segment has intriguing implications. I suspect he's directly manipulating the Jazz without using Jazztech. The digital appearance and the way it recreates the ancient Liosian past suggests it has some connection to the cyberspace mentioned in the opening. The 'breathing' hallway and possible connection to Kweythwehnto also left me curious. Overall, the worldbuilding is original and creative so I'm eager to see where you go with it.

The writing had a consistently high quality and the introduction quickly pulled me in. I know some might not like the cryptic opening, but I personally wouldn't change anything. It's an effective way to get us invested in the mystery of what happened to the ancient Liosians, what their technology was like and how the opening narration is connected to the rest of the story. Bonus points for the clue in binary and the initial LOOM screen, I enjoyed these subtle hints. The character interactions and pace of the story were on point and kept me wanting more.

I loved the music and how well each track fit the mood of each scene. I like the sprites for the most part and the CG and background art are gorgeous. The UI was aesthetically pleasing and complements the theme of the game. You've already added image and music galleries which I appreciate.

As for possible improvements, I think there were some missed opportunities for CGs like during the rooftop embrace or the skydiving scene so I'd suggest adding a few more CGs to make the game more immersive. You've made good use of backgrounds for this but for some scenes I think it'd be better to see characters interacting with each other and the environment and for that a CG is better. Speaking of backgrounds, you might want to include them in the gallery alongside the CGs. Another thing, it would be better if the LOOM had an indicator showing which information was updated. I also think the posing of Kavir's hunched sprites looked a bit awkward and uncomfortable but perhaps that's just because they're meant to depict motion instead of being static. Overall, there's not much to improve so you're doing a fantastic job so far.