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We all know of Rudolph and his shining nose
And we all know Frosty who's made out of snow
But all of those stories seem kind of... gay
'Cause we all know who brightens up our holiday

Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo
Small and brown he comes from you
Sit on the toilet here he comes
Squeeze him 'tween your festive buns

The rules are the rules
And the facts are the facts
And when the cheese drawer opens
You've got to pay the tax

The cheese tax! The cheese tax!

You've got to pay the cheese tax
Every time you're cooking
When the cheese comes out
This puppy comes looking