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I submitted my recent shitpost game War & Peace, because I felt it matched the vibe, but please let me know if it has to be completely new games, in which case I will of course withdraw it!

Thanks for the kind words, and your keen eyes! I have updated the file to now have one less mistake.

Preamble for context:

The gang (Petra she/her - Dragoon, Lucius he/him - Fang, and Inigo he/him - Moon Child) is on a quest to find the Dragon of Peace. One of their magic-infused scales has kept the songbird-frequented tavern in their home neighbourhood calm and safe, but the magic is wearing off, so the group is searching for the dragon to find out why.

The songbirds have just spent the night at the Cromlech of Aemund, where Petra and Dragon, their horse, slept weel, while Lucius was plagued by terrible nightmares of the man he killed the previous day. Inigo resisted the pull of the stone circle, sitting in a tree all night, keeping watch, but the mental strain of resisting, as well as the lack of sleep has tired him out.

Petra's player has had to leave the campaign due to life interfering, and a new player is joining, so this session will introduce new songbird PC, Lee she/her - Red Mage. Rolling for relationships reveals her to be Inigo's sister.

The actual session:

As the group walks away from the stone circle, its power waned, Lucius tries his best to hide how badly he slept, tormented by nightmares. However, he cannot keep his composure, and it is clear that something is amiss. After some hours of walking, Lucius and Inigo suddenly realize that Petra is no longer there, they retrace their steps and find that her footsteps suddenly stopped, as if she vanished into thin air. A quirk of the Writhing Wilds, or something more sinister? The remaining songbirds decide that it is not important, they have a mission and it would be too dangerous to deviate from it. Both, however, feel they would be too uncomfortable tied together with a rope, even if it would be the safest option.

After walking further in the northeastern direction, they come across a small stream. Just under the surface lies a young woman wearing khaki army fatigues, she is deathly pale and has a fearsome scar across her neck. Suddenly she awakes, revealing herself to be Lee. She has no memory of her previous life, and from her scar, the group deduces that she must be a songbird. Inigo has a feeling she has seen her before, but is not sure, or not saying.

Rather than be alone in the writhing wilds, she joins up with the group as they continue on their quest. Walking North-east, they see the silhouette of a dragon high in the sky, also travelling in a North-eastern direction. They take this as a sign they are on the right path, and Inigo tries to commit its silhouette to memory.

They then continue their walk, coming upon the Lavender Fields. Purple fields and rolling hills as far as the eye can see. All are filled with an air of tranquillity and Lucius lets out Bert, his canary bird, to join the wild swallows for a bit. Lee's feelings are mixed, as the lavender makes her allergies flare up. As she sees rabbits frolicking in the fields, she raises her wrist-mounted crossbow to shoot one, but somehow a mental barrier prevents her from taking the shot. Not realizing this, Lucius shoves her, not wanting her to harm the animal. He has to overcome a significant mental challenge to do this, but is successful, however, as Lee's hands hit the ground, taking the brunt of the fall, Lucius also feels the pain in his own palms, as if he had fallen as well.

Lucius and Lee continue bickering, when they can overcome the mental barriers against aggressiveness, until they realise something is amiss, this hindrance against aggressive actions cannot be natural. The group realize however, that they are too deep in the lavender fields to see a way out. They climb to the top of a lavender covered hil for a better view, and see mountains to the north, and regular grasslands to the east. It is too late to move on, however, and the group make camp for the night. As soon as the tent has been raised, serendipitously it seems that a freshwater stream brimming with fish flows just by their campsite, its banks filled with delicious tubers. Lee catches many more fish than the group can eat in a night, so they fashion a rudimentary smoking rack, replenishing everyone's rations for another three days.

Taking turns keeping watch, nothing of note happens, the group awakes well rested, having slept one of the best sleeps of their lives. They continue on towards the grassy plain, leaving the lavender fields behind. They come across a wide, shallow creek with slow-moving water. However, it is not shallow enough for Lee to feel comfortable wading through. She climbs on Dragon, as Lucius pushes forward into the stream, until he suddenly stops. He is plagued by feelings of self-doubt, asking himself, does he feel worthy as a person, and coming up with the answer: no he does not. He cannot move on. Inigo and Lee, he on foot, she on horseback, also make their way into the water. They too feel the introspective, but both feel that yes, they are worthy, and may continue unimpeded. Seeing Lucius struggling, they give him a pep talk, trying to raise his spirits and self-worth. Fortunately, they are at least partially successful. With his self-worth improved from their encouragement, as well as significant mental strain, Lucius manages to cross the remaining few meters of the creek, though afterwards he feels as if he ran a marathon.

Lucius being too exhausted to continue, and too proud to get on the horse, the group has to make camp by the creekside, even if they would prefer to put some distance between them. Not trusting the water, Lucius does not refill his canteen from the creek, going to bed thirsty, Lee and Inigo take the first watches, drinking from the water and feeling their spirits raised. However, none feel comfortable catching and eating the large catfish making their home in the creek, instead relying on their rations.

In the early hours of the morning, two goons appear on the other side of the creek, they spot the songbirds' camp and proceed into the creek with intentions of doing theft and violence. However, they quickly come to a stop, not moving any further with a look of despair on their faces. After standing in the water for a few hours, they make their way back to the bank they came from, lie down, and curl up in fetal position, sobbing. Having seen his companions' reaction to drinking the water, and feeling his thirst growing, Lucius also fills his canteen from the creek, and due to his improved self-worth, also feels his spirits raised.

Continuing on their way from the creek, Inigo climbs a tree to scout the surrounding area. To the north lies an imposing, red mountain range, while to the south stands a tall dilapidated structure, to the east and north-east are dense jungle. After some discussion, the group continues North-east into the jungle. After some hours walking through the dense brush, the group comes across an orchard, its strange trees bountiful with bulbous red fruits. They knock on the door of the small stone shack abutting the trees, and a skeletal figure wearing a tattered hat and smoking a roll-up comes out from the trees. He is their caretaker, and is happy to have the company, when asked how he became a 'living' skeleton, he explains that he does not really know, he must have died without his spirit leaving his body, and his meat just fell off. He also tells the songbirds that eating the fruit generally makes people stronger and hardier, and offers to give the group fruits in exchange for stories. The group are happy to comply, Lucius telling the story of how he killed a crime boss and found his bird-friend Bert, Lee not remembering her past retells a fable about greed, and Inigo tells the story of how they came to be on this quest. They are each given a fruit, improving their physique, and their general health, however, they do not immediately realize it but have each forgotten the story that they told. Their memory of it is now just empty.

They continue chatting with the caretaker, sharing some of his jungle-weed. Inigo and Lucius feeling nice and mellow, and Lee reacting poorly, feeling paranoid and unwell. The caretaker also writes down instructions for them on how to find more of the plants required for his jungle weed blend here in the jungle. After this, the songbirds make camp behind the caretaker shack, and go to bed.