Hello,
I also have OCD and I wanted to read some of the feedbacks and then I've read yours. I really hope that you're feeling better now. I have OCD for about 4 years now. I know how hard it can be to ignore those thoughts. I'm really sorry that the people you know don't even understand how challenging it can be. I'm proud of you for seeking help. I called a therapist but he still hasn't called me back. It has been almost a year now. I just wanted to say that I can understand your struggle but please don't give up. I believe in you. But have you ever tried to ignore those thoughts? If yes were you also really afraid when you ignored them? I often panic when I try to ignore them. My mother would say that I don't need any type of meds. You can be proud of yourself for not comitting suicide. I am a random person on the internet but I'm still very proud of you.
I wish you the best.