Need corrections...

A topic by Toorte au JDR created Apr 02, 2018 Views: 325 Replies: 2

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Well hello there!
I have finish my game, it's a little something, but... I have written it in english, and I'm french. See the problem?
I don't know anyone talking english skilled enough so I'm gonna put my text here and if someone is kind enough to correct it it would be awesome!!
Thanks in advance!

"
Black King: So.
It's just us now.
White King: ...
I'm afraid yes...
B.K.: You don't move ?
Fine, as you wish. Coward.
W.K.: ... Hehe...

B.K.: Why are you... ?
Wait... What's this noise ?
W.K.: Ho, you have found out about my little traps ?
I'm a bit sad I must say...

B.K.: It's... Bombs? You laid mines ??
W.K.: I can't hide anything to you I suppose...
Well, good luck getting through the whole board without walking on one of my little gifts !
Hehehehehe !
B.K.: ... Just wait and watch, I'm going to kick your coward's ass !

W.K.: I can't wait hehe.

*B.K: So... At least I can hear them ticking... If I concentrate enough I should at least know how many mines are around each cases...

Alright king, time to show this fool what you can do... !*
"

"
B.K.: I warn you, don't
expect any kindness
from I.
B.K.: You're going to end up
just like your people.

"
W.K.: Ho, you've come pretty far. I'm impressed !
You really deserve your reputation after all...
B.K.: I'm not going to die now, all of my men count on me and my dear Queen...
I owe them to defeat you !
W.K.: How sweet. And what about MY men and MY Queen ?!
I must admit you are pretty impressive, but you can't do this for ever.
Surrender or die, there is nothing else !

B.K.: This, we will see...
"

"
W.K.: ...
I have to admit: I'm a little...
Scared right now...

B.K.: It's about time !

You know, I had expect you to have run away a long time ago.

W.K.: ... To tell the truth... I can't really move.
B.K.: ... What ?

W.K.: Well... I've set the mines during the whole game so I'm not entirely sure of... Where they... Are...
B.K.: ... You are pathetic...

W.K.: Well, come tell it to my face if you dare !
B.K. I can't wait !
"

"
B.K.: Here you are !

W.K.: ...

B.K.: Anything to say before I eat you just like all your former partisans ?

W.K.: ... No.
Nothing to add.
B.K.: Well, your board is mine now !
W.K.: ...
"

"
B.K.: What had I told you ?
The victory is mine !
W.K.: ...

B.K.: And so is your board ! Another land to had to my kingdom !

W.K.: I've failed... And I've failed my people...
B.K.: It couldn't had gone any better: a coward like you had no chance to win.

W.K.: ... If you say so...

But trust me, one day, your reign will end. And if it's not by me, it's going to be by someone else.
You can't invade and rule for ever without payback.
B.K.: I am waiting for them, let them try !
You know pretty well how my ennemies end.
Enough talking.
Prepare to die !
W.K.: You've been warn...
"

"
W.K.: You really think you're going to get me ?!
You fool, no one ever succeed such a task, and you're not going to be the first, I can swear it !
B.K.: Don't be so sure White King...
W.K.: Yeah ?? Well, let's see how it goes !
"
"
You hear a scary *Click* and: "W.K.: How sad hehehe..."
"

"
You've eaten the White King. No one is around to celebrate with you, but you've win !

Sophie Houlden6 years ago

You're welcome to submit a game in any language so if you would prefer to make it French that is OK :)

For the most part, your meaning is clear so you don't need to change it I think, but if you really do want the English corrections I'll do my best:

- - -

White King: ... I'm afraid ~~yes~~ so...

B.K.: You ~~don't~~ won't move ? Fine, as you wish. Coward.

W.K.: I can't hide anything to from you I suppose... Well, good luck getting through the whole board without ~~walking~~ stepping on one of my little gifts ! Hehehehehe !

B.K.: ... Just wait and watch, I'm going to kick your ~~coward's~~ ass, coward !

*B.K: So... At least I can hear them ticking... If I concentrate enough I should at least know how many mines are around each ~~cases~~ (I'm not exactly sure what you mean here, perhaps "square" or "tile" or "place"? regardless, the main issue is when saying "each _____", the ____ should not be plural)...

"B.K.: I warn you, don't expect any kindness from I me.

B.K.: I'm not going to die now, all of my men count on me and my dear Queen... ~~I owe them to defeat you~~! (I'd say either "I owe it to them to defeat you!" or "I owe them your defeat!" The first is how most people would say it, the second is a slightly more calm/poetic way of saying it (I think it's more cool))

W.K.: Well... I've set the mines ~~during the whole game~~ so I'm not entirely sure of... Where they... Are... (this is fine, but "during the whole game" sounds a little odd to me after I played your game, the white king isn't doing anything during the game. perhaps you mean "across the whole board" instead? or just "I've set mines everywhere" for simplicity)

B.K.: Anything to say before I eat you just like all your former partisans ? (It's rare to use "partisan" like this, but it is not incorrect. Actually I quite like it :) )

B.K.: And so is your board ! Another land to ~~had~~ add to my kingdom !

B.K.: I am waiting for them, let them try ! You know pretty well how my ~~ennemies~~ enemies end. Enough talking. Prepare to die !

You fool, no one ever ~~succeed such a task~~, and you're not going to be the first, I can swear it ! (Correct ways of saying this are "no one ever succeeds at such a task" or maybe "no one has ever succeeded such a task")

You've eaten the White King. No one is around to celebrate with you, but you've ~~win~~ won !

- - -

In addition to the corrections, I should point out that in English we don't have chess pieces "Eat" one another, instead we say "take" or "capture". Do pieces "eat" one another when playing chess in France? I think that is really interesting!

also I played your game, I really like the idea :)

Toorte au JDR6 years ago (1 edit)

Thank you sooooo much! I know I can write in french but it's a way to train my english and it makes it easier to share with others in a way ^^

Ho yes, in french, most of the games with pieces like Chess or Checkers (Jeu de dame, in french) you "eat" other pieces. I had not think that maybe you don't say it like that in English, I'm a bit dumb.
It's funny, it doesn't "carry" the same idea this way. ^^
(And when you think about it it's a bit strange we use Eat in french... )

And thanks for my game! I hope it's not too hard and/or too talkative (I think it's the correct word ...?)

itch.io

Chess Jam

Need corrections...