On a scale of 1 to 10, how much does the description of my game make you interested in buying it? (Sorry if my english isn't perfect)
Hey there!
I’ve had a look at your page. I would say it makes me a bit intrigued, maybe a 6/10. I’ve compiled some more details in case it helps:
Why should you buy it?
Because I’ve been working at it for 2 years and half.
Hope that makes sense. Everything mentioned here was my personal opinion, feel free to pick only the ones you liked :)
Thank you for your feedback!
The wording is very telling rather than showing with you the creator as the focus rather than the story.
You need to switch your focus to the game itself. Sell me the story. For example your opening line "The story talks about a recruit who's the offspring of two different races, your goal is to find out to which race he belongs to and win the imminent war." Remove "the story talks about". Then you need to get rid of the passive voice and make me feel interested. Try something like "The imminent war must be won and the only one who can stop it is you, a recruit who's the offspring of the two different races at odds."
Do you see what I mean? I hope that helps you.