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A topic by Gheimz created Aug 25, 2022 Views: 270 Replies: 3
Viewing posts 1 to 3

On a scale of 1 to 10, how much does the description of my game make you interested in buying it? (Sorry if my english isn't perfect) 

https://gheimz.itch.io/war-is-coming

Moderator(+1)

Hey there!

I’ve had a look at your page. I would say it makes me a bit intrigued, maybe a 6/10. I’ve compiled some more details in case it helps:

  • I like the general concept, you trying to find out which race you belong in.
  • Explaining in detail how long the story is and what it includes, feels a bit like taking the magic away. I think it would be more straightforward to just explain the gameplay and some parts of the story.
  • Also feels like the description contains some spoilers, as it describes mentions what happens on the last few chapters.
  • Well done for making a video about it!

Why should you buy it?

Because I’ve been working at it for 2 years and half.

  • I’m not sure that sounds great. I completely understand how it feels to spend a lot of time working on a project, and wanting to see other people play it, but to the eyes of an average stranger, this phrase sounds like you want people to play your game because of the time you spent on it, instead of playing it because it’s a great game.
  • Also the font and the text color seem to be a bit hard to read for me. I had to put extra effort to read it, I’d advice on trying something a bit easier to the eye.
  • I really like the screenshots, they show the variety the game has to offer, and some exciting moments!

Hope that makes sense. Everything mentioned here was my personal opinion, feel free to pick only the ones you liked :)

Thank you for your feedback! 

  • I'm happy you like it. 
  • I'm just trying to reassure everyone who's going to see the game. I believe no one is going to spend money unless he's convinced the game is good. 
  • I only said the main focus is winning the war. The title of the game is self-explanatory. Plus, you focus on winning the war, but that doesn't mean you'll win it eventually. Still, I think I should work on this part. 
  • Thank you, I have a whole youtube channel about it. 
  • You totally misunderstood that. As I've said, I'm trying to reassure people. By saying I worked on it for two years, I was trying to say I've been very careful while developing it. This is the most useful point, since someone else could misunderstand this as you did. 
  • I'll change that. 
  • Glad you like them. 
(1 edit) (+1)

The wording is very telling rather than showing with you the creator as the focus rather than the story.

You need to switch your focus to the game itself. Sell me the story. For example your opening line "The story talks about a recruit who's the offspring of two different races, your goal is to find out to which race he belongs to and win the imminent war." Remove "the story talks about". Then you need to get rid of the passive voice and make me feel interested. Try something like "The imminent war must be won and the only one who can stop it is you, a recruit who's the offspring of the two different races at odds."

Do you see what I mean? I hope that helps you.