First of all I have to apologize for those whom expecting a game from me in late year.

For the context, I'd been working on a game which have the goal to finish within 100 days. The project is "Corrupted Dimensions".

While the original scope was rather small, I replanning so many times and it's ended up a bit smaller. Still at the end it's too big for my capability. My friends already warned me about this but if you're in the project, it's hard for you to see the overall picture during the high focused time.

I'm grateful for all my friends whom tried to warned me. I just didn't want to admit how powerless I am.

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For the future,

I want to work on a novel in xianxia setting first(Chinese martial fantasy). It's nothing much, I just want to explore my ideas and have fun. There won't be anything publish though. I'm not ready to work on something with higher stake.

Then my future games will be focusing on minigames which I'll sell at $0.99 to $1.99 depending on the scale, but they'd all be on the minimal scope.

While working on Corrupted Dimensions I realized that I'm lacking so many skills required to make a full game and not to mention the ability to make a game with enough quality for steam.

I overestimated myself too much.

That's why I want to restart everything and build my foundation using this approach to slowly build my skills and confidence once more.

Since the game will be much smaller, I'd be expecting to have much shorter work period and more frequent review of my projects. So I won't waste another year of my life.

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Now what went wrong?

First of all, despite the entire 100 days period, today is the day 92. I only worked around 30 days at most which at least 20 days tried to hang in there and worked at the minimum progress.

I'd been stressed out and burnout, full of anxiety and unrealistic expectations of myself.

I tried to keep up with the false promises I made to nobody but myself. I'm disappointing because I rated myself too high.

During the time, there were many events which disrupted my flow of work. I couldn't work at all for those period and ended up frustrated that I tired myself out.

The time ticking and the more anxiety I built up.

At first I tried to push the last week and publish something, but I realized that it would further worsen my burnout and prevent me from working on the novel.

Well this may seems like an excuse, but the truth is I got irl problems so many times that it's impossible for me to get back and focus on game.

I should have realize it faster but I tried to persist and refused to give up...until today.

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I don't want to talk to anyone, don't want to open any social media, I don't want to know about any world news.

It's stressful to even try to be a decent humanbeing. It'd be so easy if I can just triggered at everything and angry at everyone instead. I'm not that thick skin to do that.

That's why I'd just stay antisocial and just take whatever happen as is.

Even if the heaven fall tomorrow morning, I'd still just don't care.

I'm not giving up on gamedev. I swear to live and die with it anyway.

I'm just giving up on this project.

So that I could open myself up to the freedom once more.

So that I could come back and heal myself once more.

To prepare for my new journey.

I'll be 32 in late November, so it's happybirthday to myself in advance.

I given up on everything.

No more ideology, no more hope for the future.

So that I could truly focus on myself.

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Farewell everyone.

I'll come back once more when I'm ready.

For now, I'll sleep in the void.