Hi there everyone, 

I am here, with my head hung in a bit of shame. 2024 is now over and it ended for me in a wet flop. 

But before the self flagellation begins, here's this month's playlist: 

So, let's get into it: 

Last month's goal: 

Release a demo

NOPE!!!!! I didn't do that at all!!!!

"Well Heiden, what did you do this past month?" 

A lot. But also not much at all. 

Let me see if I can itemize what I did do: 

1. Made my pause menu: 

2. Made a mokedex!

3. Made a party screen

and

4. Started on the battle system GUI

So i was chuggling along, right? Doing okay. But then I went to go see the Sonic 3 movie with a friend and OH NO. OH NO WHAT FEELINGS ARE THESE??? I have????  A story idea??? 

I walked out of that theater and marched home and sat down and wrote an entire game script in an entire evening. Then i woke up the next morning and was like "Well... what now?" 

(the protag of this sonic 3 inspired game) 

Ive always aimed for releasing two games in a year and THIS script was only 5k, it was a kinetic novel (so no choices outside of the very very end) and I thought. Hmm! Hmmm!!! Maybe I can make this in the two weeks I have left. 

So I shifted trajectory, locked my sights on my target, and I pushed the thrusters to full speed. 

(GUI mockup of what the game would have looked like) 

And........... the engine sputtered and died. 

UH. OH. 

So I got out and started to diagnose what was going on under the hood there AND OOPS. OOPS THIS IS A MUCH BIGGER PROBLEM. 

Admittingly, I've been having troubles concentrating  on my games for a while. I would sit down and just a flood of flashbacks would start. I did a LOT of damage to myself over the years and its gotten to the point where anything I make seizes up in the process of being made. 

"Wow Heiden that doesn't sound good." NO ITS NOT. 

So I pumped the breaks and decided its time for a break. 

I kind of felt like I was on a break last year (and Im still a little sad I only released one game last year but NOT FOR LACK OF TRYING LOL) but I think I need like a REAL break. I want to give my 'gamedev engine' a full bath, go to the gamedev spa, the works. There's a lot of gunk there in that engine that keeps snagging on stuff and it's sucked a lot of the joy out of the process for me!

Since the new year, I've been giving my little office space a FULL REFRESH. Painted the wall, new shelves, new coffee bar, the works!!! I want it to be a place that when I see I get excited to go in and work. 

I decided that my overarching goal for 2025 is to try out new techniques for my emotional gamedev journey. In the past, I would have RUSHED RUSHED RUSHED to the end of 2024 and forced the game out and I would have emotionally run straight into a brick wall. 

I know (hopefully few!!!) players will think "Well /I/ don't care about your emotions, I just want to play your game!" and to that I say: WELL IM DRIVING THIS MACHINE AND I CALL THE SHOTS. And Im saying harming myself every time I finish a game ISNT good and is making me gamedev gun shy. So I did not force myself to finish the game. 

The game is written, the GUI is designed, the characters are designed and I've even planned out all the CGs and cut-ins I would need. All that's left is the hard monotonous labor of making it. 

So going forward: what am I gonna do now? 

I talked to a friend about this conundrum about how things take a while to make, having more than one project etc. etc. And she pointed out that many people have tons of wips. It's okay to jump around from project to project. In the past I've only ever had one active project at a time. But that really only works if the game you're working on is small enough. 

So with a new type of game, let's try a new type of game making system!

Let's break down a game into three stages: 

Pre-production  - This involves concept art, writing the script(!), designing GUI, planning CGs, etc. Usually this stage is HELLA FUN!!!!!! Because this is the first glimpse you have of that crazy idea in your head taking shape. 

Production - This is the actual building of the game. The difficulty of this step varies significantly from project to project. Sometimes putting together the pieces makes you more excited to work on bc it looks even better than you anticipated. Other times it's where dreams go to die.  There's nothing romantic about this step, it's boring, repetitive hard work. 

Post-production - This is when you actually finish the actual game and send it out for beta testers for some final tweaks. Or a total rehaul. Hopefully the first and not the second, lol. I personally uh.... dont have as much experience with this step than I really ought to have. It's the one downside of mostly making games in a gamejam environment, because the time frames are so short, there's no time for post-production it's just GO GO GO. 

So laying this all out here, I can say that I got this little Sonic 3 Original Character Do Not Steal (tm) game to the very beginning of the production stage and then I crashed because that's not a fun part of gamedev! Sprints are (hopefully!) still doable, I just need to have gas in my tank and right now my gas level is like -20, lol. 

So right now I've got the follow projects floating around in my harddrive: 

Pre-production - Sonic 3 game

Pre-production/Production - Kissy Knight

Production - Mokemon, Lisa Frank Farm Sim

Post-Production - NOTHIN'

So! With all sorted out, let me see if I can make myself a little structure to work around. 

It's okay to make things in pre-production stage when the plot bunnies arise. That's the stage you cant really force and also its just fun as hell! I'm giving myself permission to get distracted for half a month making a little pre-production project and then meandering back to my main active game. 

It's always okay to switch up which main-production game I'm working. There were a few days where I came home and just REALLY wanted to work on my little farm sim instead of mokemon but i forced myself to work on the game I didnt want to do anyway. Did I get a lot done that day? Not really. So next time I'm going to try the opposite. :) 

And if I end up leaning too hard in that direction, i can always just change course and lean the other way! The biggest thing I'll be asking myself is: how much work am I actually getting done (I was doing a lot of "staring at Visual Studio and sighing" and not a lot of building fun things), how do I feel, and am I learning anything. 

So if you see a few more monthly updates with a few farm sim production in them, that's probably what happened. 

Now that I've word vomited and over-analyzed my Sonic OC game production journey, let's set our sights on next month: 

Next Month's Goals: 

1. Rest!!!!!!!!!!!

That's it. We shall see how much gamedev I get done this month but I /really/ need a little breather after December. I shall see you back in February and onwards! 

- Heiden 

Mood: Anxious   

Eating: Baaananaaaaaaa    

Drinking: A HOMEMADE!!! AMERICANO!!! OUTTA MY NEW ESPRESSO MACHINE!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE IT SM!!!!!!

Reading: Black Beauty - 

Im going through my horse girl phase so Ive been reading Horse Books.