Well, it looking like I done gone and got myself killed real dead here friend. I like the story and concept that you're going for. Visual Novels aren't my favorite genre but I didn't mind this one all too much. I would say maybe consolidate some of the conversations into a smaller area, but so far I like what I see here.

CAPITALISM!!

Very interesting art style, the simplicity of it really brings out the tension of the story and gives a grim tone to the environment!

The writing is quite solid, dystopian capitalist settings are at an all time high and I personally love seeing people's takes on it! One suggestion I would make is to start the game with the "Play Game/Don't Play Game" screen, then transition to the intro cutscene and tie it with the story for better flow.

The heartbeat sound effect was a nice touch, some heavier and slower paced music would add a lot to the scenes as well as some other sound effects for when the main character gets knocked unconscious or when one of the participants gets shot.

Gameplay-wise: checkpoints would definitely help with replayability as well as being able to skip scenes you've seen before. I was able to proceed through the text using an Xbox controller, adding the ability to select a choice using the controller would also be a nice feature if you have the time and are able to do it!

Capitalism indeed!

You have a strong style going with the art and music. It's all very rough and gritty, which fits the story and the overall tone of the story. This sort of rough hand-drawn style is rare in games, even visual novels, which makes it stand out. There were a few points where the music and the events of the story didn't fit together perfectly (e. g. a very aggressive sound track playing when you're sneaking through the Divine Comedy-inspired labyrinth), but for the most part it all matched very well. The very limited use of colour (mostly reds and blacks) really adds to the athmosphere.

As for the writing, I think it works. I could follow the story well, and I was interested in seeing how it ended. The whole thing was very surreal, which again matched the rough style of the art. You do have a few typos and small grammatical errors in the writing - for example, it says "getting a job this days" in one of the screenshots you posted, when it should be "these days." Nothing too bad, but it can be a little distracting. I'd recommend running it through a spellchecker or getting a beta reader, especially if English isn't your first language.

As a visual novel, there isn't much gameplay here, and there doesn't really need to be - it's not the point of the experience. The choice system works well, for what it is. It does seem a little harsh to kick the player all the way back to the beginning when you make an error, though. Perhaps you could have a few checkpoints along the way, or a way to skip scenes you've already seen?

All in all, I have to say I enjoyed the experience. It was interesting and harsh in a way you don't really see that often.

Have a great time playing it!

Generaly I like the writing and the scenario, but was wishing to make some VERY HAPPY END -> with team 789 alive :D

I always a fan of unusual arts -> I like your very much, hope to see more of your projects in future!

Can not say much about music, but it was nice.

Wishing to have some checkpoints or skip function -> was too much clicks to get to same position in story again...

Thanks for your game!

It was quite a pleasant experience reading through this, not gonna lie. Let's go through the feedback:

Writing:

The introduction cutscene was actually a nice touch, showing the facet of the main character we will be playing the game through. It also goes into his personality of being a tired guy that just wants to play his game. The writing however is a bit off and does not reflect his personality well.

"I'm glad that I don't have work tommorow.. even though I have nothing to do"

and

"Even though I have no money to buy the latest game".

These are some examples of dialogue that does not feel realistic. It sounds like he only recently had the epiphany that he did not have enough money. Did he recently helped his friend out the night before that caused him to be in this situation? If not, why did he not have enough money so suddenly?

If he, infact, did not have enough money for a long time, maybe he would say something like

"Just 2 more days to go.."

Which implies a few things: (1) he's waiting for something. Which can understandably be his paycheck.

Or maybe he doesn't even say it, maybe you could show him looking at the calendar fill with crosses, which implies the same thing.

The main character and Number 7's relationship is good, that they can both bond through video games (and especially the same game at that). However, the writing and dialogue is too fast-paced during those sections. You should slow down a bit more before introducing number 8 and 9 (or was it 6?) and flesh out number 7's character. Add a bit more nuance to the writing. Maybe Number 7 raises his arms in excitement when they talk about the game? Maybe the main character is a bit more self-contained and wants to share his excitement and feels awkward to do so?

Number 8's character ( the main rival) motive is very clear cut and in my opinion, the most well explored in this story. He's a desperate family man and when the situation goes dire, he turns to this to save his family. However, the fact that he would be determined to kill another person so easily (near the ending) is a bit off-putting. It does not reflect reality well.

I think we need to explore number 8's character a lot more to justify his actions. Perhaps during the final game, the main character has to try talking into number 8 to get him to open up more. Why was he good at knife fighting? Did he have a criminal background? Did he already lose someone close to him before?

One of your biggest weaknesses in this visual novel is the lack of sensory details. What does the character feel, see and taste? When number 8 attacks the main character with a knife, maybe you can write something like

> You feel something hot trickle down your fist and you glance at something unusually familiar. It hits you a second later when it drips to the floor - red and flowing.

Ultimately, the story flows at a very 'monotonous pace'. It doesn't feel like there's downtime, and no escalating climax. The sudden outburst of lots of people dying in the beginning feels very off and is not a good way to build drama and climbing action when everyone dies in the beginning. You should make more and more people die slowly as the story progresses to introduce escalating action.

As for the moment-to-moment writing, slow it down when moments call for it. And include more sensory detail to enhance the moment.

Music:

Is pretty good! It has a weird, unusual rugged feeling to it the reflects the atmosphere at every part of the story. The only weirdest and off-putting part is perhaps in the introduction with a somewhat happy jingle to it.