I'm not familiar with the source material, so I can't speak to its quality as a fanwork. The writing was a little cheesy, and I agree with Impy that the scene itself feels a little fast.

The visual style of this is fascinating. I haven't really seen any visual novels with this level of animation- did you render these scenes and then include them as gifs? I also like how it's not afraid to experiment with the cut-ins and angles, since the 3d element frees you from the usual boundaries that 2d character art places on the creator. The file size is the main challenge when it comes to these assets, but sometimes it just be like that

Always cool to see a visual novel with videos in it! There's also many animated transitions and effects to give everything a lively, dynamic pace. I'm not familiar with the source material so I don't know if the music is related, but it fits.

I liked the sex scene, but perhaps there should be more story to set it up?

A longer visual novel that makes use of this type of style can become very popular! My only word of caution for expanding this game is that file sizes can grow out of proportion very quickly if you have lots of images and video footage. At 126 mb it's one of the heaviest games in the jam, so be careful not to make it unmanageable as you expand it.