I'm not familiar with the source material, so I can't speak to its quality as a fanwork. The writing was a little cheesy, and I agree with Impy that the scene itself feels a little fast.
The visual style of this is fascinating. I haven't really seen any visual novels with this level of animation- did you render these scenes and then include them as gifs? I also like how it's not afraid to experiment with the cut-ins and angles, since the 3d element frees you from the usual boundaries that 2d character art places on the creator. The file size is the main challenge when it comes to these assets, but sometimes it just be like that