Play book
In Life & In Heaven's itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| Overall Creativity | #4 | 3.667 | 3.667 |
| Writing Quality | #9 | 3.222 | 3.222 |
| Incorporation of the Theme Limit | #11 | 2.222 | 2.222 |
Ranked from 9 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
Word Count
30
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Comments
My favorite elements of this were the evaporation and the last moments. Somehow starting with the city evaporating and ending with the world evaporating is a really good use of repetition. You have the same thing, but suddenly scaled up massively. It feels like nuclear holocaust to me. Because of the mention of last moments, I feel I urgently need to understand the situation, even though it seems hopeless. I am a bit confused about the relationship between the behemoth and the mountains and sky, probably because it is a lot for 30 words. I think it is cool if they represent earth/heaven - life/afterlife, but I can’t quite tell if they are threatening the protagonist or aiding him. What is the nature of the struggle? I think it would be a good way to start a story!
It sounds interesting but it feels like it's been ripped out of a bigger context. It feels much more like a single quote from a bigger, more complex story than a story itself. It's not a bad piece of writing, but I think you tried to tell too much story with your 30 words
It was my intention from the start. This would either be the first or last line of a story. Either the beginning of the apocalypse or the end of the protagonist's life.