Okay so this one is gonna be a bit mean from my side, but really I am commenting here more for the future.
Spoilers ahead:
The plot is a cheesy warlock love story about learning to grow past normal first thoughts. (Expansion of growth could be seen a bit, but the theme is so flimsy.).You use already set tropes, but hey sometimes you need set tropes to floorish!
I really liked the small animation bits or sfx.
I am just a real sucker for cheesy romance that has enjoyable dialogue and comedy.
But now here is a list on presentation feedback:
- (This one is my personal problem.) Too many sentences could have been multiple sentences. Don‘t be afraid to set a period at the end and just start a new one :,D Of course, you can have long sentences. Just don‘t go overboard with them and make them a bit reasonable to have them as that.
- There were some minor uppercase error and misspellings. Didn‘t really ruin it for me.
- The plot may have been fluffed a little bit on some cases, but it’s honestly only noticeable if you are impatient >.> (Me).
- Backgrounds at the start had too much blur! Use it a bit more less. Your backgrounds got better, when reading more.
- Music was missing at some places. But in your case you did better at it as you read more of your visual novel.
- I felt a bit too much exposition at the beginning, but again it completely dissappeared reading more.
- This is a problem for anyone reading at 100% textspeed. Some sentences were immeadiatly gone. You overused a bit, but also used it correctly on some parts. Explore this more!
- Black background in renpy has already a default variable as like „scene black“. There was a tiny white pixel to be spotted.
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And just some small nitpick on theme‘s metaphors.
„I‘m perfect“ -> A cool thing to use, but you implemented it a bit too much on the nose. It didn‘t felt subtle.
Overall: I like the vn. It’s good food and I enjoyed it a lot. It has a lot of passion and I wanna see more of you in the future.