I do remember a line about Karen giving Jenna a collar. Saying that 'the collar is special, only wear it for me' or something to that extent, hinting that Karen and Jenna have an open relationship.
I also didn't necessarily like the intro scene. Why are the other 2 people there in the background? If I break it down the opening sequence has to establish a couple of things:
- The game is an 'adult' game.
- Karen is held against her will.
- Leath is a baddy.
- Sex is used as a weapon.
Another suggestion to make it less rapey: Leath is trying to coerce Karen into oral sex in like an interrogation style.
Leath: "I could make things a lot easier for you if you gave me oral"
Karen: "Ugh, this stuff you pumped into me is making my head spin. Maybe .. I .. no .. Jenna will come for me you bitch".
Then flesh it out with some more dialog. Something like that?