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(+1)

Spoiler warning!


I think there's a lot of potential here for a fun, action-y story right out of an old-school macho-man 80's movie (This is a compliment!) and I like the sprite designs, they're fun and full of character! 

However, my biggest disappointment is a lack of music at the Jazz Club. I checked the files afterward and I see a Jazz song in the audio files, but I went back and checked a few times and it never seemed to play. Also, I'm not sure how you applied the theme of "Expanding".

Is it Adrian Expanding his horizons by going to a jazz club? By hooking up with Colton in the first place? It's unclear.

I also think when they walk from the club to the motel a background transition from the club -> Street -> Room would have worked well for it immersion-wise.


Now what I really feel is that you have a genre that isn't extremely explored in FVN's, which is that "Big Macho Man meets *love interest* and then things spiral out of control!" Like an 80s action movie, but because this is a Jam submission I think your plot points weren't given a lot of room to breathe. 

Colton offhandedly mentions what he does for work, but I think some sort of implication about it to make the scene with gang more organic or less jarring (it was very surprising to me) would help ease the reader into it, and I think making adrians motivation more clear is a good idea too.

He says "I won't let them control my life!" But we don't, that I recall, get much of him feeling out of control, more just him not knowing what to write. I feel that his motivation could have easily just been "THIS WILL MAKE A GREAT STORY!" And then over the course of a longer project his feelings toward Colton might evolve from "Good hookup/Good Story" to more romantic and invested.

All in all, I liked a lot of the ideas you put forward here, but it feels like they weren't given the time to breathe or room to grow to make them really shine.

(+1)

Thank you for the feedback. There was more planned for the game but due to time constraints and the amount of work that had to be done for the first act, (there were supposed to be three),  we couldn't make it as long as we wanted to. The theme of expanding would have become a lot more clear if we had been able to get to the game's second act. In this case, the theme of expanding was supposed to be presented through Adrian's knowledge of the world around him and the people in it growing, especially in his relation to Colton.