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this is pretty cute! the writing could use some work, the choice of tense makes the prose a bit awkward and the descriptions can be meandering. the dialogue suffers from being a bit too chatbox-y as well. the game is carried by very evocative art though, and the characters are solid, true to life among freaky queers. keep at it! writing's hard but you'll get there!

Out of curiosity, what do you mean by "the choice of tense makes the prose a bit awkward"?  As far as I can tell, this is written in third-person past tense, similar to the vast majority of popular fiction.

(+1)

honestly i think i know what they mean, i wrote half the game in present tense and then changed it to past so some of it sounds really weird lol

i also mean that past tense is a bit clunky for visual novels, given that the player can "see" things happening in real time.