You are absolutely right on all your critiques. As it was so early in the jam, I was a bit confused and thought it HAD to contain NSFW elements based on some comments made in jest on the forum, and will be removed after the game jam. (I also had no idea at this point that there was even a voting or judging portion!) I left it in since it was what I had originally made, then realized later that I could have changed it prior to the end of May.) Chalk that up to my inexperience and fear of asking questions : )
For the sprites, I was experimenting with a different style, since I'm still new to drawing, too. The main reason, though, was to differentiate them from the sprites I had just made for my visual novel so it would be obvious they were specifically made for the game jam. I do intend to switch them after the game jam with my original sprites, which I like more.
For the monologue, I actually DID draw out around 5 scenes in a monotone silhouette style, and then didn't use them. At the time, I think I was concerned it would be mashing too many graphical styles in, as the flat sprites and 3d ones were already quite a contrast. I had also realized while reading it in that state that I felt a bit uncomfortable with the father staring a hole through me for so long. It reminded me how I felt in that situation with him, uncomfortable, caged in, wanting to be anywhere else so I don't have to hear what I know is coming, but also wanting to be there for him... I was considering it as kind of a subversion to what the reader would expect.
I now believe that people would have understood that those scenes were drawn that way as they were based on old memories without photographs, like the son trying to imagine what his father went through growing up. I think if I don't include any other images after the photograph portion, it will still leave that uncomfortable feeling. When I update, I will include those images as well!
Also, I have learned about Renpy's animation feature since then! When I first compiled the vn, I had built the project in Tyranobuilder and posted that version because I have no programming experience. I already had the .webm file made at that point, so just ported it over.
I ran into so many glitches and issues with TB that I then rebuilt the entire game in Ren'Py. I had never touched it before, so just getting something working to come out was an accomplishment for me. I then made another project to learn more things, like adding side images, animations and choice menus.
To be fully honest, my main purpose for the game jam was more to learn about the technical aspects of making a vn, and I didn't put as much focus on the stories themselves as a result. I did have another vn I had started, but I had only begun working on it in April, and published it in early May. I hadn't even started programming it until a couple of days before I uploaded it. For now, it's more a concept than anything, and doesn't have much story development yet.
I'm glad you understood what I was going for with the monologue. In my case, I never really talked with my dad. He always talked AT me (well, yelled and screamed usually, but that's beside the point!) It wasn't until the last week before he died that he opened up to me and began talking about all sorts of things and how he wasn't ready to die. I wanted him to say whatever he felt without interrupting because I knew he was working through his emotions.
Thanks for taking the time to drop your thoughts!