I agree, that in most cases secual actions kinda grow gradually. (Anal is usually not a date 1 type of thing xP)
But with the tooltip saying you have 'no consent' it sounds like anything you do is forced upon them.
Perhaps a good middle way can be found, using red-orange-green. Where you'd need consent during dates to take it to a sexual level (otherwise everything is red and will 'break' the char) but after the general consent it's more of a red='not comfortable with this', orange='nervous but ok' and green ='yes please' :p
From the devs' explanation I think this system would still adhere to their idea for it, shouldnt be too hard to implement and would be more clear and feel less like violating them even though they're pretty ok with the actions :)