hey sorry late reply but thanks for the critism! At the time I was posting this thread I was basically just writing down whatever came to mind without thinking much of it. But reading your reply actually made it clear to me that I was basically dropping a game prompt rather than an actual plot --;
It's been awhile since I posted it and my motivation to write has been pretty down, but I hope if I manage to write it out properly you can give some feedback to it.
Thanks again :)