I saw this a few months ago and was interested. Now I am not sure if I want to continue or not, but I probably will.
The art style and switch are really neat and the writing is good and feels natural.
For criticism about the writing, the only thing that really stood out to me was the first DnD session. It was hard to understand that the Princess (Megan) was a player and not an NPC, so I thought it was obvious you saved her instead of fighting with Antonius the Captain, or else she is probably dead. If it had been clearer she is a player I would had other opinions.
The only other criticism I had was not making it clear for people like me with a lot of DnD / RPG experience that the DM controlling the MC's character in the beginning and appearance is due to the MC's inexperience and want to help them get into the right mindset and is allowed by the MC. I was so "RED FLAG DM! RED FLAG DM! CONTROLLING PCS! RUN! THIS VISUAL NOVEL HAS NO IDEA WHAT DND IS!" until I realized much later it was because the MC had no experience and let the DM make the character start with. If it had been hinted at earlier I might not been sitting there wondering if I really should continue reading since I thought you the maker did not understand DnD. I was close to quitting the VN just because I did not feel any "DnD or RPG" in this at that point.
But that is the only thing I have valid criticism for.
This is just my personal opinion and experience of the game, and should not influence the maker:
1. Bad DM, forced Railroad to get to the other 2 PCs that had to wait all session to get briefly introduced! *Shake head* - But this is realistic. So I respect it!
2. Tucker's 10-year character has so far been revealed to have (So far) extremely boring lore (Being an Elder Flayer without committing to it) or a lack of otherworldliness that seems to just be made so he can metagame. Red flag player. It is fun to see a metagamer and powerbuilder roll really badly. But gosh the three things I would immediately tell him are:
- 1. Your character is not from this world do you really even know what a miller is? A lizardman? Our customs? No, you probably do not. So please consider how that affects your character's behaviors instead of keeping to metagaming.
- 2. Please stop sexualizing your character each time it is your turn to roleplay. We get it he is your hentai-fursona. He is hot we think so too, but you do not need to describe his glistening bulging muscles each time.
- 3. Please stop metagaming. Just because you hear something over the table does not mean your character is aware of it.
- I hope Tucker does get not necessary scolding or so, but some talk from the DM about how to improve his time and other players' time with him as a player.
3. I find it silly how the DM needs real maps/artwork for the characters but it works for a visual novel. X3
4. The game so far made it seem like Wuzzy is the stereotypical closet LQGBTQ+ teenager who thinks anyone above age 30 is elderly (And can't be friends with anyone younger than themselves) and easily offended (But he does seem a bit comedic around that). But that is not what I have an opinion about really. Even if that is someone I personally see as a red flag due to having to grow up a bit more. My concern is should he really be in a DnD game where we have Sex God Tucker and DM who thinks hearing about how often the PCs have had Sex is relevant??? If they want to explore sex it feels like Wuzzy should be an adult first if it really is that important to the roleplay (Which so far it has not been).
5. Finally, what kind of magical anti-connection elevator do they have!? No phone service? The elevator emergency button functioning despite the lights being on? The anti-wifi box? I know it was a way to show the damage of the MC but it was quite unbelievable.
Anyway, as you can see you clearly made me have opinions and that is a good thing. This means you got something promising even if I am still unsure if I want to continue (Mostly just to see where the DnD story goes, to be honest as the only characters I am interested in are Megan or the DM so far due to my red flags with Tucker and Wuzzy. XD)
I hope you get to continue this! :3