No problems with me on hearing the same issues; the criticism is entirely justified, and now that I realize what my main issues are, it can be rectified. I haven't written anything in a REALLY long time (+20 years), so I'm incredibly out of practice.
Out of the three, this was my least favorite too, and part of it was trying to write something so far out of my comfort zone. I tried writing completely different stories, and for this one, I wanted to be absurd and cringey, but I've concluded it's just not my style.
I thought of each project as an experiment, and tried to incorporate different things into each, but writing without narration made it nearly impossible to give fluid exposition, and I even realized as I was writing.
That was a handicap I shouldn't have even had in retrospect; I based using first person narritive on the time a teacher gave me a bad grade on a writing assignment. She said I relied too much on narration in my writing and that I should avoid it, which I took quite literally afterward. If I paid more attention while reading other vns it would be rather obvious it was okay, even expected to use.
To be honest, I was more concerned with I learning the mechanical aspect of making a vn and less on the story itself. All the stories I wrote were basically my first drafts, much to their detriment, and written with nothing more than a vague idea of what I was doing.
I had never used Ren'Py, or done any programming prior to the second week of May, so I focused most of my attention on learning how to do the basics, and learning how to draw layered sprites. I've learned a lot from the game jam, which was my primary reason for entering it anyway
Thanks again for the review!