Another thing I "might" have picked up on, but I'm really still thinking about...
While there may be Visual Novels that read like an actual novel........ as I play more Visual Novel games, I spot a slight difference between the two sometimes. The Visual Novel games I play, often focus on characterization and getting the personality to the characters correct, even at the expense of tight grammatical correctness in script. This makes me think that the writing to my own Visual Novels is too "tight", as it focuses too much on grammatical correctness, without the normal and "messy" short chatterings of characters.
I'll think about this some more, but if I need to change some things, it really isn't that hard of a change. So I'll think about it.