You don’t have to apologize for a long response - I appreciate you reaching out! I think taking good feedback/critiques is so important — especially from the community supporting your work. Writing characters + romance isn’t easy - I know my number one aim when I do so is to get characters’ voices right, because if you don’t have that down, what even is the point? You get that unmemorable/unsatisfying feeling. I think you’re on a great track; if there’s anything I also hope to see, it would also be variety in length of interactions with your LI. I feel like a lot of VNs/IFs kinda fall into this standard ‘we have to have a five minute moment here! Then a quick one later!’ Rinse, repeat. Longer moments (not just stolen ones, but intentional) - or even chapters centered on the LI would be not only realistic, but very gratifying for the reader. I’d also say more descriptions on the characters we’re interacting with would be nice; weaving it into the dialogue/narrative. I didn’t really know what anyone looked like until seeing their lil baby bios.
Hope that helps and thanks again for putting such an awesome story out there!!