Okay, okay, okay -- gonna post my thoughts on the Limited/Christmas chappies here since you said you were interested in getting more feedback. **SPOILERS for people have NOT read chapters 9/10....
*
So, you know I'm an Elora Stan(TM); she's my route. Chap 8 was essentially an Ellie chap (the ending - OOF), so I was excited to see what would happen after all that.
9 was definitely more transitional/informational/tying up loose ends. Not bad in any sense of the word, but you can see that you had a clear goal to set up the next big event(s). It was great seeing fam again and they definitely felt like a big focus -- as well as the status of relationships you currently had with them. I will say, sometimes it felt a bit repetitive, like with the 'having Ancient Ones power or not and MC telling each person how they felt/each person asking MC about it', for example. Wondered where the usual 'bold/shy ❤️' options went as well. I also Reaaallly wanted a Morning After scene. It was my MCs first time, and it made me sad we didn't have even small bit on the impact of that before Elora had to go do Queenie tingz. But overall? Solid chap.
Chapter 10, however? CHAP 10, RAMONA -- it had action, it had Romance (moar steamy bits - Blesssss), it had intrigue, it had plot *twists*. And LONG! So freakin Impressed!! I can only speak of following Elora to save Hadi (because oc, I'm staying with short wife, even though you keep trying to - TEAR USSSS APAAART) -- but it was such a Fab balance when so much was going on plot-wise. Adored talk with Hater Mama, Zakir coming along being (clearly Depressed)stubborn, Virion giving great freakin Baddie, and Naturally: All the moments MC could say - 'YES, I'M COURTING HER, STFU'. The lil moments - like Elora being all: '...so I'm going be wearing red. You should wear red, hint. hint.' And her being Far more BLWUSHY now when my bashful MC was gay(est) Disaster before.
Can I just say? I really like how you managed to incorporate a MC whose disposition changes. It feels really natural how mine was (and still *is* at times, let's be real) super blush about touchy Elora, but now can tease back, while still being her sincere baby self. Still: Am I wondering when you're going to give the option to say 'I love you' -- yes. Elora can take her time -- but let ME say it. (They're in love, your Honor.)
Very sad to be away from my Ellie (maybe you'll give morning scene in chap 11? Pwetty please?) for extended period, but it's Realistic, Elora's an actual Queen, and I really dig how she's getting Colder after the father death reveal. Thank you again for such an Epic gift double feature~ So looking forward to how you wrap things up!
leogrl19
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DARN - you're saying I have to play this awesome game from the beginning -- A-GAIN? *siiigh* However will I cope? ; )
I was actually in the camp of waiting until everything was completely finished after completing current public demo, but this is so incredibly generous + a lovely surprise! What an amazing Christmas gift. Thank you generous Patreon peeps - and thank you Awesome creator!! Happy Holidays~
Had to come here and write 'THANK YOU' -- just in case you don't see it enough. It's already a feat to write an interesting/engaging plot, but to present a Female MC option in a *Real*, non-fan-servicy way? Breathtaking. Gorgeous. Love. your. Werk.
This is probably the first adult VN I've seen do this; more Importantly, in a serious fashion. (I was so impressed when it felt 100% on par with the male MC playthrough!). Tragedy this is--Rare even now. But also so gratifying to know there's a game people can point to, to hopefully make this more common. Eagerly awaiting updates to this Amazing story and - Rooting for you all the way!! ❤️
Daaaaaaark. Love it though. Much respect for not shying away from some very atrocious/hard themes; humanity comes in all flavors.
I Love my MC, I love that they're broken and not just magically - - fixed, despite being rescued. There's such, such Trauma there - and that mind may never be 'un-broken'. Not to mention the arms. I think that's what interests me most: Seeing how this very clearly broken child will grow up; what they will become. (You explained the 'Pain' and 'Void' cycle and its Repetition incredibly well, btw) Havard and Lexi and Ethel (I think my MC will like her most) all seem like genuinely good souls. They'll have their work cut out for them -- and it's nice seeing the frustration in wanting to help, but being unable to in their POVs; but time and them proving their words will do wonders. Very interested to see how twins interaction will go. (And if there will be romance? Because - OOF. Just: OOF.) That 'red and white stuff' highly concerned me; but I also love broken babes finding empathy in one another.
That last interlude... Of course, the 'bad people' couldn't be totally gone. Looks like there's definitely going to be -- 'something' fighting to do more Terrible things to my baby. Keeping an eye on this one~
Thank you for responding! I’m glad you found no offense in my feedback; I went to art school and had my soul pile driven into the Abyss with the harshness of criticism, so I do value constructive critiques. I know this your baby, but it truly is a compliment I said anything at all!
That makes sense re: MC’s emotional intelligence/maturity given their profession. I actually like that! Perhaps I was confused since I thought Builders, etc. worked in groups as well - only Burners being the most ‘solitary’ in their work. But they also don’t talk, right? So even then, the human interaction is very remedial in my understanding. Maybe there’s an idea of ‘care’ for not wanting patients to get hurt, but love as a concept, for example, would still be difficult (it’s difficult for us now and we have so much more freedom than them!). I more so just wanted to see more of a struggle to coming to terms with a new range of emotions when their default seems to be primarily numb, anger, fear; or having the choice for it to be a struggle for your MC. The yellow heart/red heart could maybe be expanded for that?
Fair enough for the chamber. I guess that’s just additional choice I’d like to have. My MC seems they can hardly talk about it/want to think of it (and they’re also a woman) so that equated trauma for me - heavy or otherwise is interpretation because what do we consider ‘traumatic’ — it’s different for all of us. Numb could be an option, but given MC is more emotionally mature, I’d think that incite something. Could we decide that?
Also - sorry, I more so didn’t want to assume: a lot of IF writers do a first draft and then further flesh out later. That’s great if you’re almost finished! Thank you for considering what I said! Looking forward to Ferret chapter!
Oh! This was interesting! Love the concept. You see a lot of post-apocalyptic premises, but this one seems especially dreary and I love, love, Love the idea of people being raised without words/not knowing or understanding their own emotions. The Chamber! Goodness! I romanced Ferret myself (we love a cold, strong woman who’s ready to throw Hands) - and I’m looking forward to how that turns out.
If I could give a bit of constructive feedback? And I mean this in the kindest, most respectful way possible as I really like your idea and want to see it shine. (I also realize it’s a WIP) The transition from barely knowing words/feelings, to learning/experiencing them felt too brief for me. I didn’t get the Fullness of that struggle and it seems like my MC is more emotionally mature than they should be? I would really love both Ferret and MC trying to figure that out when they’ve been wholly denied it, not even knowing the concept of love/intimacy beyond books. Being unable to put words to things is something I’d like to see more as well. Getting frustrated, angry, overwhelmed, etc. If there’s physical intimacy (esp with Ferret) there should be so much trauma there when they only know that Chamber.
On that note, I felt a lot of the MC’s growth was less my choices through actions, and more plot-driven. I don’t really feel I had a hand in how they turned out, thus far. Maybe this will be more fleshed out in time/ this is just a ‘prologue’ for the ‘main’ story - but thought it worth mentioning.
I do hope that was helpful and I wish you all the best with this awesome Project!
We love a cheeky thesaurus use~ ;) I have my thesaurus out Constantly, so that hit me on a spiritual level lol
Agreed! In fact, they’re my favorite type of romance barring ‘they're Perfect for each other, yet still can’t get their ish together’ kind. I already have a feeling I’m gonna like Kieran because Aurynn called them ‘soft’ and ‘puppy’ . Love me an ice queen with a sweet, creamy center~ But it also depends on if K doesn’t care about the effects of this war (and particularly MC with all their incredible loss); if they’re just an ass, I won’t be attracted at all. It’s actually why I’m looking forward to Kieran/Samira poly — that’ll be REALLY Friggin Interesting. (And give some lovely balance.) Because - why is SAMIRA attracted to K?? 🤔👀 I did think that was Exactly why Samira wasn’t about that flirt life haha
I love that you write with something like autism in mind! I have autistic and ADHD friends and they really opened me to seeing those (potential) traits in people. Personally feel like we’re all on a spectrum in some way; can’t wait to see the characters you intended it for (if we haven’t already)!
Yasssss, MOM. Bring on the complex familial relationships. It’s a shame so many siblings died as it seems the Mothers(TM) were very much conspiring against each other/ensuring their child was number one. Couldn’t have been easy establishing sibling bonds.
I’m so glad to see that! I’m sure I will with what you’ve given us thus far~ Thank you for commenting back as well! ❤️🤘🏾
This was unexpected - but a Lovely surprise! You continue to Wow me with your writing; you have such a talent for description. The way you portrayed the blood stone and pact and how that process felt was Breathtaking. Just downright- - Gorgeous.
Love how my MC is shaping out and the dialogue/pacing remains delicious. I’m naturally interested in (Princess for me)Kieran since you gave us a cheeky lil teaser on who they are - - and I Love complicated attractions —but I really like Samira too. When she wasn’t just - Charmed by a flirty MC, I was impressed/intrigued! I like that your character isn’t an exception~ Also wondered if Farah was on the spectrum (which would be amazing); I could see it.
Can’t wait to see more of the characters (feels like more family’s coming up) and hopefully more ROs! So interested in their depth and how they fall into this wicked plot you weave. ;)
Finally. FINALLY. NIA.
I feel like there’s so many moments with the boys, and I get it when ol’ girl is purposely avoiding MC, but their Complicated is *delicious* - and I have been Waiting for this sort of scene between them for so. Damn. Long. And you delivered: The imagery, the tension, (the inevitable, incomprehensible flirting?) Fabulous. I even did another run to see what her rivalmance is like — and I love them both. Seeing Nia give anything - More than apathy is something me and MC *both* crave, yet never expect. Gotta love it when the childhood friend hurts the most…. Thanks for the meal (literal and figurative)~
It’s been a while since something I read made me Actively ‘LOL’ - if not downright Cackle. (Looking at YOU, ‘catch a flash of calves/HOT DAMN’ line 😂🤣)
I adore Alastronia and Sloane - and if a possible Poly is down the line. Yum. Yuuuum. The MC is a Glorious Idiot who has shocking depth when given the chance and I love making them Trash. lol Also, thank you from the Bottom of my heart for having a ‘skin is too dark to show a blush’ descriptor. Sadly rare even in 2024. 🙃🫶🏾
I am OBSESSED. I went into this one blind, really hoping for an IF that focused purely on romance - and Gosh, did you meet the Craving! Love the concept, the characters, the relationships being steadily formed — there’s some truly Real moments that spring up from innocuous questions and I love that. The diversity, the representation - ❤️ Mattie, Izzie, Vanessa, Amber… needless to say I’m going to be replaying the ish out of this. I do wish I could have coupled with Izzie from the start, though. It kinda felt like she was restricted for a reason (and I wondered why).
Very glad this is active. Waiting with bated breath, you Epic writer you~
….okay - I am Distraught because I just played the demo, this is AMAZING, and I so want to THROW MY MONEY AT YOU; but my computer died and I only have iPad/iPhone to work with. I was so hoping there was an Apple App Store link since there’s a Google one, but no dice. I can’t even do steam link because no compy :(
Is there any way I can get a web browser full version and buy it from you via itch, oh Amazing author-san?
A fabulous start! Was hooked on the unveiling plot and overall cultural influences on the story. So cool learning about this particular pantheon.
Also - Tala: I love Tala. She’s Everything and I’m here for it (and her). Duma’s great as well, and some of the options make me wonder if there’s an intended poly route? Because—Yes, please. 😋 I understand well Life(TM) happens, but I do really hope to see more of this one day. Thank you so much for sharing!! ❤️
…Wow. Truly. WOW
I am Blown away by what I just read. For just the start of this IF (- and your First one!), this was so Heavy and Powerful and Compelling. I *MUST* say: ‘Bravo’. A lot of people write on war and loss (or both), but don’t actually sell that terrible space and how it affects relationships. Yet you managed in the first few pages to really drive in the Very clear tragic and desolate themes in this story. The loss is Palpable to the MC; as is their Grief, Blame and Regret. I really feel like I’ve lost so much of my family and yet I still have to hold it all together for those who are left. (Or not! The option variety is so Good!!) The Farah scene was Delicious. Just Achingly visceral and Lovely. Respect for not holding back/making that interaction easy/neat. Phew….
Definitely adding this to my collection. Keep doing what you’re doing. I am Cheering and Screaming and Crying lol ❤️
This was Amazing - so glad to see it’s being actively worked on as well! I was hooked from the first bit and I am so impressed with the level of detail/depth you not only put into the characters — but HOW you introduce them. Da and Papa are Everything and there’s honestly not a character I don’t like (looking at You desk-biter girl.) I teared up multiple times and I loved the variety of personality to the MC. (‘Voluptuous’? HELLO~) I think it’s Beautiful being able to feel a writer’s love for the content in their work; Well Done.
Eagerly looking forward to more, but also I hope you enjoy your break. Definitely adding this to my collection and rooting you on!! ❤️
I really liked what I played of this game — but I can’t seem to get the save/load functions to work properly, causing me to have to restart each time. I keep getting a pop-up message that the extension is wrong and that it should be ‘.sav’ - but the save files do have that extension. Once it worked, and I was able to load a file, now it doesn’t.
Hopefully I can come back to this once it’s completed/this is no longer an issue. I would also suggest breaking up some of the longer paragraphs as it does become hard to read at times.
You don’t have to apologize for a long response - I appreciate you reaching out! I think taking good feedback/critiques is so important — especially from the community supporting your work. Writing characters + romance isn’t easy - I know my number one aim when I do so is to get characters’ voices right, because if you don’t have that down, what even is the point? You get that unmemorable/unsatisfying feeling. I think you’re on a great track; if there’s anything I also hope to see, it would also be variety in length of interactions with your LI. I feel like a lot of VNs/IFs kinda fall into this standard ‘we have to have a five minute moment here! Then a quick one later!’ Rinse, repeat. Longer moments (not just stolen ones, but intentional) - or even chapters centered on the LI would be not only realistic, but very gratifying for the reader. I’d also say more descriptions on the characters we’re interacting with would be nice; weaving it into the dialogue/narrative. I didn’t really know what anyone looked like until seeing their lil baby bios.
Hope that helps and thanks again for putting such an awesome story out there!!
This was Phenomenal. There’s so much potential and depth in the plot, characters + decisions/consequences! I was so impressed when holding court that one of my Harbinger’s past decisions bore weight and helped me convince someone. I just had to let you know what an amazing start this is and that I’m really looking forward to the romances in particular (Lady Margaret - oof!); it’s so rare to feel like an LI feels isn’t just instantly falling for you because they have to/are your MC’s match. I hope I get to see them fully fleshed out.
I absolutely get completing long term projects (and the scale of it getting away from you) takes so much work, so take your time! And know we’re rooting for you! ❤️
This was incredible— specifically the depth of the characters. (Which is Always a biggie for me). All of your writing was engaging, but I particularly was impressed with who my Main was connected to and how the romances progressed. (I’ll also die for my sister. No cap.) A lot of these kind of stories tend to drag out the romance — even if it doesn’t fit the characters. I loved that every time I clicked on a heart - I was actually progressing and pushing somewhere new.
I hope to see this in all its Completed Glory! Thanks so much for sharing it with the world. ❤️
uhm - thank you for Creating it! Elora is all my current obsession. (That, and when I can actually call her ‘Ellie’) *stares and sips tea*
I don’t hate slow burns(done well — agree) — but I feel Great characters should make out when they wanna make out and bed when they wanna bed. I know when I write, I’ll have a general plan for romance progression - but rarely do babies not interrupt my plans/I don’t allow it. What *does* drive me crazy is: constant interrupts/delay tactic. Bless you didn’t go that route. And Bless for expanded steamy. 😏 Who am I to stop you if you wanna add round twos, threes, and so forth~? Srsly tho: Ellie’s foreplay game is: MMM. When she started by offering a drink - I was Screaming
Gimme all the flawed. I actually RP my Rubi as kind/genuine - but oof! She a TEMPER. Such a fun dynamic. And she’ll call a B out. (one of my favorite bits is garden scene where there’s so many ways to claim Queenie a hypocrite. I ADORE MCs standing up to RO - we can Disagree and still Smash, darnit!!!) But yes. Flawed. Was trying to avoid spoilers, but. Mother. oh, Mother… 👀
Oh - I’ve given everything with Ellie a try. ;) …except for not bowing - that just rood. lol Admittedly a lot of the flirtier options just don’t fit MC’s past, to me. Not that some don’t sneak in there: It’s great to actually roleplay a MC getting more confident as time goes on. But! Credit where due: there's also a shy choice that made Ellie blush and it was such a fun surprise! As much as I love a BOLD blush, one where she’s flustered from pure sincerity is Everythiiiiiing
Amazed such great progress is being made - but please make sure not to burn out! I (and so many others) will be rooting for you along the way! 🎉
….yup. Called it. lol The moment I saw Queen Elora in the RO list, I knew she would be the one my baby character ended up with. Gorgeous AND crafty/intelligent — with the possibility of manipulating my MC for the good of her Kingdom? Say. Less.
Cue: me finishing demo, and Ellie is my Entire short wife. What can I say - I know my type. (Also - not to be vulgar - but I freakin CHEERED seeing you write intimate/steamy scenes WELL. That is a GIFT, my friend. No one wants to wait 50 chapters ‘will they/won’t they’ only to get *fart noise* of a first time. Well done.)
But I have to give you more flowers: Not only for making an awesome character like Elora - but depth-filled characters in general. They could easily all be stereotypes; but you really do well at showcasing what makes them who they are (even if they’re awful people). Your work on the MC is my favorite though. I think a tragic main is nothing new at this point — but what sets yours apart are the choices for how the MC can feel about it. And you actually have them Explore their trauma (if they have it - mine certainly does), like: ‘oh crap - maybe I’m not okay…’
More kudos: You got me to play a (primarily) shy girlie — which does Not happen. I usually roll confident/flirty female MCs because I feel there’s still a dearth there compared to BLWUSHY ‘aah’types (nothing against that - just not my style) — that actually made a Lot of sense with a character who basically had Zero interactions with her own age group/everyone hates her. So — of course she doesn’t know how to flirt and ‘oh my goodness - this Queen is grabbing my wrist’. Needless to say: there was a Lot of gay panic and I really enjoyed it. (P.S.: every time Elora grins an Angel gets its wings.)
Gushing aside, this was a great rough draft and I’m really excited to see the final product~ ❤️
YES!! WE NEED MORE SUBSTANTIVE POLY CONTENT IN THE WORLD. THANK YOUUUU
I am so so so happy (and Grateful!) you changed your mind! Srsly, was hoping this would happen with crossed fingers and toes. OL2 was already going to be a game changer, but I'm so excited to see all three have the option to go this route together - platonic or romantic. As you wrote: They're so Important as a unit. 💖
That feeling when you're - OFF WERK AND YOU CAN PLAY THISSSS 😭
Already know it's going to be (even Moar) awesome - thanks, as always, for your hard work. Sure I'll edit some Tam squee in later ;) EDIT: KAY, LET'S DO DIS
First - I am Amaaazed how much sound effects (and they were all, really spot on) can enhance Immersion to this amazing level. I could really FEEL the difference between this one and earlier demos: A great example being when Tamarack was rustling in leaves upon first meet and it not only shocked my MC, but me (whoa) lol. On the subject of sounds: The soundtrack is Amazing?? Oh my goodness?? Music we've been given thus far needs tons moar LOVE. Is this same person from first OL? It has similar vibes - but I'm really a fan of like - different versions of songs? Extended tracks? How it can go light with piano, but then pair an electric guitar and just suddenly - BOP. *chef's kiss*
OKAY - NOW TAMARACK. You've Spoooooiled usssss. I mentioned earlier that her crush felt very low-key, non-typical BLWUSHY. And while that holds true on some counts (and I still respect), I REALLY got to see what Tam's special brand of crush actually is. 'MC'S COLORS ARE ALSO MY FAVORITE COLORS. K - BYE.' 😂I love her, your Honor. (Also: chose 'Rainbow' for the culture~) But there were even Beautiful subtles/maybe hints of jealousy we'll see? Like if you say baby Baxter's handsome - I LOVED how Tam's face just DROPPED. And then she responds to him differently. Like: '...hey, you trash. why u here?' Also just ALL her bouncy over sitting next to MC. Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I have waited for F/F OL goodness since the first's Kickstarter, and I just seem them interacting and I'm cry. I am Highkey curious, though, why she doesn't use MC's nickname when she admits they're friends? (Qiu uses it WITHOUT PERMISSION) I thought it may be because she forgot - but you've showed us she has excellent memory. Is there a STORY there? 👀
Honorable mentions: Mommy is still most amazing creature in this game and I will continue to STAN. Mrs. Murray be best teacher. Like - I adore how much passion and ability to communicate to these children I'm seeing. Even though Darren SUKS - it was awesome seeing new kids beyond mains. I continue to appreciate (and LAWL) neighbor level with Qiu and him coming at my MC like they're best frans. She's deadpan Daria vibes, (and Qiu is a LOT) so their interactions are highly Entertaining. Def getting a: 'Qiu is used to being popular, so when person doesn't immediately fawn, he is confuzzed/ups the ante.
(If you made it this far) Is this last update to the demo before the Kickstarter or nah? I did think it was going to end with MC's mom picking them up - but maybe patrons got that. Either way: So much progress; so much AMAZING. You all Rock. <3
Okay: So this has Officially Made my Day!! I really needed a smile and this delivered in spades! 🥺*Grabby hands* They're both so Gorgeous? Look at these Babes? (personally freaking out about Tamarack long hair mode - yes, you Precious Wood Nymph -- LET ME LOVE UUUuuu). And - soooo Happy her body type's stayed consistent! Also really liked nail polish tell for Qiu - what a great little detail!
Thank you for this meal. I just keep getting more and more Excited. <3