Post by Melancholy Marionette in Sapphire Snowe: The Bear, The Beast & The Blizzard comments

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Hey hey! Hope you are hanging in there! :3 I am… just about >.< haha.

I guess life does have a grudge against us :( My prize for finishing up with the game jams was a giant migraine xD And then when that finally went away, I went for a walk with my pops and fell in some stinging nettles x3 My fingers still sting now and it’s like 20 hours later or something o.O Not as bad as when it happened, but more like a dull sorta pins & needles kinda feeling where I got stung.

I’m sorry you struggle with that too :( It is indeed depressing not really knowing why you’re alive. I guess really, there’s not much of a reason for any of us humans to be alive when all we do as a species is parasitise the planet we live on >.< I feel like if nature had a will & a way to eradicate humanity, it would do so in a heartbeat, haha.

I guess the big difference between us and many other people is that they somehow manage to find a purpose that gives them a sense of belonging and a reason to keep going.

I do sort of get that from making games. It gives me something to get up in the morning for, but it’s not really the same as someone genuinely feeling like they have a reason to exist, more like a kinda coping mechanism because I’m forced to exist and need to do something with my time that helps me forget that x3

I will never understand how some people seemingly smile through everything even when stuff goes wrong, but like you said, for people like us, we can have happy times and be in good situations, but when something goes wrong, it’s all too easy to end up depressed right away :(

I wish I could be one of those sorts of people who can easily brush stuff off and keep going!

Oh, boy, that’s not good >.< Did you ever manage to finish that game? :o

I can understand games not having saves if they’re short. Heck, in the one I just released for O2A2, I purposefully removed the save system because it’s such a short game. But anything that takes 20+ mins to play should probably have a save/load system, otherwise it’s just gonna get frustrating >.<

Ooooh, right, I know of Your Boyfriend! I’ve never played the game myself because it doesn’t really appeal to me, but I’ve come across a LOT of Your Boyfriend stuff online while looking for yandere media in general, haha.

At one point, it was so bad that I couldn’t really find anything else to read about because everyone was just posting about Your Boyfriend xD I never really understood why it was so popular tbh. I guess there must be something about it! It’s just never looked like my cup of tea personally.

That is a bit of a weird statement of the dev to make though cos if she’s using Naninovel to make it, the save/load system is there by default, so you would have to remove it on purpose.

If she’s not using Naninovel, that explains why. But at the same time, from what I understand, it is CRAZY to attempt to make a VN with Unity if you’re not using Naninovel, haha. It’s just not done because it would be so awkward x3 You just use Naninovel, or you go use Ren’Py or something else!

Speaking of voting, we recently had a general election over here at the start of the month! Thankfully, the evil assholes who have been in power for waaaay too long have finally been kicked out :D I don’t exactly 100% support the party that have the most power now, as they are not who would get my vote, but they were the only party that stood a chance of kicking out the Conservatives here, and anything would have been better than continued Conservative rule x3

I have a feeling that those things you mentioned: society making everyone self-conscious about their image, the food being too fattening, and the suicide rate being high… I think they’re probably all problems plaguing countries that are ruled by capitalism >.< To me, it just seems like a broken system that’s only ever gonna result in a select few privileged people being happy while everyone else just suffers more and more as time passes :(

But yeah, I mean, I’m sure there are PARTS of the UK where you probably would be able to go meet people who are actually nice and friendly, where you wouldn’t have to worry about peer pressure or being judged :3 I imagine Brighton might be one of those places! And there are definitely some lovely people over here. It’s just, my personal experience of British society in the area that I live is not a good one, haha.

Yeah, there are different ways to face fears, and forcing someone who is scared of heights to go on rollercoasters is not one of the good ways >.< That’s just being mean :(

There are definitely some strange casting decisions made in both the professional world of VA and in indie gaming x3 I’ve played a few games where the VA was decent enough, but the voice didn’t suit the character at all, and I wa just left thinking to myself… why on earth did the team cast that particular VA for that part? o.O

I don’t mind jump scares, but I also don’t really care for them, haha. They tend not to impact me in films, but in games, they will often get me x3 I would prefer to play stuff that purely builds the horror and anxiety through the atmosphere rather than the anticipation of jump scares, haha.

I also don’t really mind yanderes that hurt mc to punish them or blame them for how they feel, but it’s not something I’d really look for in a yandere. I’d enjoy it in a bad end I guess x3 but I would hope it wasn’t one of their main character traits, haha.

Well, technically I didn’t create Takaaki or any of the Yandere Heaven guys since they are localised from the Japanese drama CDs, but probably with every original yandere character that I make, parts of them must be guilty pleasures x3 One day I hope to make the type of yandere that I would 100% love, haha. Cos so far, I only love parts of my characters. Maybe it’s impossible though cos no one can be perfect, even if they’re fictional >.<

I think as long as you don’t put heaps of mayo, then tuna fish sandwiches are fairly healthy :3 Although I guess the type of bread they are made with also plays a big part >.< I have to cut out bread for like 5/7 days of the week even though it’s one of my favourite foods T_T I also like tuna, so I just have a tin of flavoured tuna like jalapenos or lemon & thyme + some tomatoes for a lunch option. It’s not all that filling though :(

I also stave off hunger with multiple cups of coffee x3

I guess noodles can be healthy or unhealthy depending on how they’re cooked & what is cooked with them :3 A lot of the packets of instant noodles aren’t especially healthy, which sucks cos they’re tasty x3 But plain ones that you cook and add your own veg and stuff too isn’t too bad!

Years ago, for breakfast, I used to make this porridge in a mug, just plain porridge oats, add 1 egg, lots of cinnamon, and some natural sweetener. Stir it up, pop it in the microwave, and it’s a porridgy version of a cinnamon bun xD Didn’t taste that amazing, but it was healthy and good for energy, haha.

Yeah, I can’t stand greasy foods for breakfast >.< Whenever I am away on holiday if I stay in a place that does breakfasts, I feel sick just looking at people with plates of full English breakfast piled high xD I don’t really like big breakfasts or hot food in the morning!

I can’t function without coffee either and I kinda hate that I need it so much x3 At the same time, I do really love the taste, so I can’t give it up just cos of the caffeine because I’d be missing out on a taste that I love too >.<

It really sucks that you’ve been lumped with a lot of the responsibilities of a dog that isn’t even yours :( If they don’t have the time or patience to look after it properly, they should never have got one in the first place!

My brother can’t stand anything lemon-tasting, but I quite like lemon :D My grandma always used to eat grapefruit on its own and I have no idea how she could stomach that x3

I like turmeric tea, but it’s probably not for everyone :3 You’ll have to try it someday if you can and see what you think! I feel like most people who like spiced stuff would probably like it, like if someone likes spiced chai. My dad doesn’t like it much, haha.

I tend to drink my coffee with only the tiiiiiniest splash of milk or just black x3 I like my coffee to essentially punch me in the face, haha. We always buy the strongest coffee we can find!

Yeah, I have to plan carefully if I know I’m gonna have to do any chores or life admin-type stuff because I know it will wipe me out pretty fast, especially if any of it involves going outside >.< it’s like I just have to accept that if I can manage to do those things, I will have done so at the cost of my energy for the remainder of the day.

I’m a novice gardener, yeah x3 Not really very good at it, but most of my plants are still alive, so that’s something I guess, haha. Watering them hasn’t proved too much a problem because once it became part of my routine, it’s just like I do it automatically at the same time every day :D The slugs have eaten and destroyed one of my plant babies though T_T Nothing I could do cos I’m purposefully not using pesticides and such, as the whole reason I’ve planted stuff is to help the bees & other pollinators! So I wouldn’t wanna accidentally poison them >.<

In theory, no one can say I’m being lazy with everything I’m doing, buuuut, in reality, everyone in my family besides my dad and brother thinks I’m useless for not having a job >.< and if they’re kind enough to not think I’m useless, they just feel sorry for me instead because they’re all getting on with their lives, studying or employed, and every time they see me, I’m just stuck in the same place, still making games, not making money, haha.

And ofc, the government still just sees me as lazy & useless because I’m not employed so not contributing to the economy >.< And anyone who is ‘economically inactive’ as they put it, is basically someone to be looked down on :( I guess cos a capitalist society doesn’t value creative skills unless they happen to also make lots of money >.<”

It sucks so much that you don’t have anyone you can rely on for support to go out with :( Me and my brother may not always get on, but I don’t know what I’d do without him! I wouldn’t be able to go to the shops and stuff alone cos it’s too much >.< Just having someone with me means I can do so much more than if I didn’t have anyone.

If I didn’t have anyone, I would also be a shut-in, too scared to ever leave the house :( It sucks we don’t live closer together because maybe we would be able to support each other with stuff like that if we did!

That’s very understandable to be afraid of the unknown. If I were in your position, I would probably also stay with family even if it’s not ideal because I’d be too scared of what might happen if I took my chances with strangers >.< At the same time, sticking with what was familiar was also how I wasted years of my life being trapped with abusive people, so it’s really tough to know what the best call is in situations like that :(

I just really wish that your relatives would value you more and treat you better!!

They shouldn’t use the fact that they’re giving you a place to stay as blackmail to hold over you or guilt-trip you into doing everything they want and abusing/taking advantage of you being there >.< It’s just wrong.

If I had superpowers, I would try to figure out a way to make them actually appreciate you! >.<

Oh, boy, yeah, that’s not ideal if Godot stuff doesn’t work well with Winlator! >.< Since O2A2 jam just finished, I wonder if there are lots of fun games out that you would be able to run on Winlator cos they should all be short and small ones :3 I know there are a lot that I’m excited to check out myself!

I managed to submit something to the jam, but only just because my stupid PC is broken/unusable again :( Even though the new one they sent is under 2 months old! It’s just had problems since the first day they sent it, and now it just has permanent loops of blue screens of death so I can’t use it >.<

They want to try and fix it, but I feel like they shouldn’t have that chance when they already sent me 1 faulty PC. The 2nd PC was their chance. Now this one is clearly also faulty, why would I believe that if they send a 3rd one it will work? I just wish they would give me my money back so I can buy one from somewhere else :(

In the meantime, I am stuck just using the potato laptop again!

That sounds pretty cool about RenJs! Have you been experimenting with it much? :o

You don’t have to make me something though, you silly sausage x3 You could be making a game for yourself instead with the same time and effort :3

Sadly, the Solipsism Reigns sprites weren’t free >.< I had to buy an entire series of sprite generators and then make them from scratch using all the different body/hair/face/clothing parts in the generator x3 They were fun to make because of how much customisation there was! But it wasn’t all that cheap to buy all of the generators :(

I hope making games has indeed provided you with a distraction :3 Maybe one day, you will get as obsessed as me, and then it’ll be all you ever think about xD I’m not sure that’s necessarily a good thing, haha, but it is an effective weapon against depression at least x3

Tyrano was definitely very easy to use, so it’s a shame you’re not able to try it out :( I hope you’re getting on okay with RenJs though :3

I’m sorry it’s taken me so ridiculously long to write a proper reply anyhow >.< I feel like I’ve been gone forever o.O Or like I last messaged you yesterday, but months have passed and that hasn’t really registered in my brain >.< This is precisely why I am terrible relationship material, haha. Cos it doesn’t matter how much I care about a person, if I end up with tunnel vision on project stuff, especially when jam deadlines are involved, no matter how much I want to reply to stuff or spend time doing other things, my brain doesn’t allow it T_T

I just end up stuck like a hamster running on a wheel unable to stop until the jam ends and the wheel is physically taken away from me >.<

Now that I’m out of that mindset and my PC is broken, I’m able to do stuff like type this again :3 But at the same time, I’m also kinda buried by everything else I neglected during the jams, which means my current to-do list just makes me want to run away from the world and hide in a cave cos it’s too much, haha.

I hope things have been looking up for you at least :3 And I have missed you also! Stay safe and happy yourself!! ^-^

vocaloidsrcool181 days ago(+1)

I'm doing my best! I hope you can keep hanging on as well.

That sounds really painful. The worst insect sting that I ever got was from a misquito. I hope that remains the case.

Hmm...maybe it would be like Noah's Ark. Only humans who have been good to the environment could live.

I wish that I had such a purpose. Those people are truly lucky.

I think that I am better at just writing than making a game. RenJs won't even load if I don't use indentation properly, so I have to copy the script, and add it back in little by little to find out where I messed up. But, at least I can say that when I write, I can momentarily escape reality. I guess that is all that I can hope for.

Feelings can be cruel that way. Sometimes, I feel that I have no control over them, and it sucks. Those are the times that I want to escape into a game or a story.

If we could be strong enough to push away our negative feelings, it would be like a super power with how incredible it would be.

Yes, I finished it~ Technically, the game isn't done, but I have finished the fourth day, even though they are still adding stuff to that day.

Well, it won't be everyone's cup of tea,( day four has a very...graphic sex scene), but it breaks the fourth wall sometimes, and the love interest is very interesting.

I don't remember if she used Naninovel or not. It's been a while since I played it, because I had to delete it to make room for other games. But, I honestly hated the lack of a save feature, because the emulator kept making the game crash. They can create a password so that only people paying can play the game, but it's too hard to add a save feature or use a different engine?

That really is a relief. Over here, the old president Donald Trump has been replaced with Joe Biden. He is way better than Trump, so that's also really good.

The government wants everyone to act, look, and think a certain way, and to live the way that THEY think is right, and it puts so much stress on people. Only the people who are able to adapt to how society changes can thrive.

That's okay. I haven't had many good experiences in America either. At least, past my pre-teen years. Life can be really hard, and society doesn't make it easier.

But, if Brighton is as nice as you say, it might make a great vacation spot one day.

And, I have heard of so many accidents on rollercoasters, that it is also a dangerous thing to pressure someone into going on it.

I know what you mean. Looking back at some games where characters have good voices, but the voice doesn't match the character, I remember not wanting to play them anymore because that honestly ruined the immersion for me.

Since I tend to like more romantic games, I think that I like drama the most. I know that it isn't comparable to jumpscares, but I only play horror games if they have romance anyway, so jumpscares aren't really what I focus on anyway.

I'm not judging if you can handle yandere like that. I think that I am completely turned off by those types of yandere because, since I haven't met many nice people in my life, I tend to like yandere that are kind and gentle. Softer yandere, you know? They make me feel loved.

Make a love interest with all of the traits that I love? Why did you give me that idea? Now, I have to do it! I have always wanted a love interest that would make me want to play a game over and over again, even after getting every ending. I kind of gave up on the game that I was making, because having to rewrite the script so that the indentation was perfect became frustrating, but I think that I will just make a new game with the idea of a love interest that would be perfect in my eyes.

I cannot tell a lie - I love mayonnaise so much that I put too much on the sandwhich every time. Buuut, I use wheat bread, which is healthy...right? XD

Wow. I could never eat jalapenos like that, because I'm sensitive to spicy food. Even hot sauce is too much heat for me.

Even though I love coffee, I need either sugar or creamer in it, and I learned very quickly that you use up too much of both of those things if you have multiple cups of coffee a day. I was scolded by my cousin for using too much cream and sugar, even though I needed the coffee. Three more relatives came to visit, so it is very hectic. More dishes and other things to clean, and I feel like I'm the only one doing any cleaning. But, I won't trauma dump on you. Just know that I have to sneak coffee sometimes. :P

I'm kind of tired of packaged noodles, because my cousin always buys them. At this point, I'm contemplating writing a novel, and selling it, just so that I have the money to buy foods that I like.

If I try to make that, my cousin will make a disgusted face, ask what I'm doing, then say that I am wasting eggs and cinnamon. But, now I want to try it. XD

I have a problem where if the food isn't sweet, it doesn't seem like a breakfast food. Probably because that is the one time that I know that I can have sweets. There are too many kids here now, so they get snacks before anyone else, so if there aren't enough,I get nothing. >.<

But, your way of thinking is smart. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, so, it should be healthy but...try telling that to my sweet tooth. :D

For me, I think it's the caffeine more than the taste, since I drown the taste in flavored creamer and sugar. I literally need it to function though. Being an introvert with a large family, and doing many chores every day means that if you don't have caffeine in your system, then when someone tells you to clean the kitchen for the third time in the day, or the dog keeps barking, and you have to shush it on your own till it's growling and lunging at you, you WILL be feeling the fatigue by the afternoon.

The sad part about it is that my young nephews who wanted it now want to put it in a shelter, but my cousin said that's not their decision to make! >.< All because my cousins boyfriend picked the dog out, and my cousin is too scared of him to ask him to get rid of the dog! So, who suffers because of all of this? Me! I think it's my punishment for not getting my own place. Or the universe telling me that leaving this place, no matter how scared I am, is better than this. But...at least here, I know what to expect and what I will have to go through. Out there? It's a mystery.

My mom used to eat lemons after sprinkling a little sugar on them, and I thought that was really strange. I always wondered why she didn't make lemonade instead. But, I love lemonade and lemon candy. Grapefruit is the only fruit that I can't eat. I can't even drink grapefruit juice. It's really bitter to me. I like to compare it to coffee without cream or sugar.

Oh, it's spicy? Yeah, I really am not good with spicy things. It does sound interesting, but maybe I'll pass on it.

I did try black coffee with no sugar when we didn't have any, and I almost spit it out. It was just too bitter. I can drink coffee black, but it has to at least have sugar in it. I can even drink it with only creamer, as long as it is flavored creamer. I remember that I got so desperate for caffeine that I tried to drink it with syrup... I do not recommend it. Haha~

Is it silly that I think that you are brave for going outside at all? But, I know what you mean about chores, especially dishes. When you live with over five relatives, they pile up quickly, and over a short amount of time.

In America we call being good at gardening having a green thumb. To me, what you are doing is incredible! Especially since it is to help the environment and insects. It's too bad that other insects eat your hard work though.

Wow. If your relatives see you as useless for not having a job, then my relatives must see me as dirt. At least you sometimes go outside, and have a garden. I'm in an apartment struggling to make a game with the simplest game engine. Excuse me while I go cry now.

At least Joe Biden seems nice. Maybe he wouldn't be so hard on unemployed people.

You seem to have kind relatives. An example of my own would be that another cousin helps the one who owns the place I live in with rent. When my helpful cousin got into an argument with the one who owns the apartment she said: "If you have to say what you've done, then you aren't really helping." Suggesting that you have to do more than pay the rent to please her. It's really annoying because she has been...very verbal about how she sees me. Apparently, since I don't have a job the least I can do is help her clean, and watch the dog. Oh, and feed the cat. By the way, I'm sorry for trauma dumping again. I have a cold, so I think it's making me more verbal than usual.

That's okay. At least I know that there is someone in the world who cares about me. And I have my fictional boyfriends too.

Ever since I watched the Disney movie 'Annie', and heard the antagonist tell Annie - "Kid if you think it's bad here, it's lousy out there. I'm doing you a favor by not letting you leave." It's really made me question if I should stay or go. It's not like anyone is forcing me to stay here, but, I'm still here anyway, out of fear.

You are really kind. And you are right, they shouldn't guilt-trip me. However, if I argue back, they will make my life more of a nightmare. I have already had the phone that was given to me taken away for two days. Even though I gave up a laptop so that my cousin could have one month of internet. And it would have been payed using my mom's money. All of the games that I still can't play, programs to make games that I can't use...the possibility of having them are all gone because I gave up my laptop for what she wanted. And, it was only one month, so after that, I could have still had the laptop once the internet came on again.

I have already played two games from that jam, and I loved both of them. I am definitely going to play more, but, I think that I should focus on trying to make a game first, since I gave up because of indentation. But, when I'm done with that, I will be playing more of them.

That sounds like every android phone that I have ever had. And since a phone is all that I have, that isn't good. Now, I am borrowing my cousins' phone, but I've had two phones before that, that were given to me by my mom, and they both had a short lifespan. I don't know what these companies are thinking, but they need to make better products or refund people's money back.

Not really experimenting. I have had so much trouble with indentation, that I have just been copying the script, and adding it back, bit by bit to see where I messed up. If I mess up the indentation, the game won't even load. Imagine writing ten paragraphs, and then trying to test it, but the game won't load. Then having to add the script back in one sentence at a time to see where you went wrong. At this point, I really want Tyrano Builder. T-T

Then, if I make a game, and link it to you, you can still play it. Unless I get nervous, and self-conscious, and change my mind about sending it. But ,that probably won't happen. Maybe.

Hmm...wait, there might be free assets on Itch.io come to think of it. I could literally just check here.

I have been writing less, ever since I gave up writing a story online due to writer's block. I wrote so many chapters, but I had to drop it, because I had no idea how to continue it. I think I wrote myself into a corner, and would have to rewrite so much if I want to continue it. So, making games could be a fun replacement, once I figure out the indentation part.

It's alright. I think I understand. I've spent so much time rewriting the script for this game, and every time I finish, (because it is only playable on the browser), I had to upload it to Itch, and try to run it. Because I wanted two love interests, the script was going to be longer than if I only had one. Now I want to delete everything...or at least take away one love interest. So, I've been practically obsessed with getting the indentation right.

I do recognize the feeling of wanting to run away from your responsibilities. I hope that you don't feel too much pressure as a result of the things that you have to do.

Well, you gave me the great idea to make a love interest that I find perfect, so that makes me kind of happy. :D I honestly do hope that you can enjoy yourself, before you go back to your responsibilities. I wish that you get a few chocolates for yourself, and eat them while you drink your coffee. Stay safe, always, my friend.

itch.io

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