Sorry for replying such late, wanted to play the game again this time with reading the story carefully.
It is very good and clean (except the 2 or 3 text walls that made me want to ignore the rest of the story)
So, although I am not a good writer, I would advise to make the story a bit more chaotic (liked the part where Flandre came) so that it would make more players who get bored easily (like me) more interested in the story. Also please do not do text walls, but maybe I am just overreacting.
Anyways sorry for not looking at the story this much during the first play, it is charming and stuff. Good luck!