I don't want to be harsh by any means or want to be a gatekeeping asshole. But I also feel like you deserve a honest opinion.
I feel like most comments criticising the mix are trying to hide behind that. The mix shouldn’t be a problem to show an idea or give an overview of the song nether dose the quality of instruments. Besides there is an download link to a better version. However, I believe there are some problems with the song you’ve submitted.
First of all I feel like your song has quite some hiccups and falls out of rhythm from time to time. Especially with the quite straight drumming it is kind of distracting. Using a quantization should do the trick.
Secondly, I feel like you’ve had an idea but didn’t manage to take the time how to approach it properly. Most of the song is quite repetitive and the melody feels very uninspired and phoned in. From 00m:00s to 00m:32s everything is fine. But then it’s missing some evolvement. Though the drums are a nice idea, repeating everything beforehand and just layering isn’t always the best Idea. I feel like adding some harmonic context and maybe adding an arpeggio to add some movement to loosen up everything can add a whole new dimension.
Having said that I feel like the Melodies are my biggest problem. The best advice I can give you, is to really listen to some other works. Most of the time you’ll find to things with them. Firstly, they are like a singing voice, so you’ll find pauses like breathing. Also, they are never just running through the whole scale or pentatonic in random order. The best way to check,is to really try to hum your melody. If it is great it will stick. Try giving it meaning, maybe the melody describes the descend into the deep water and your melody reflects that or it describes a drowsy witch with some chromaticism and so on and so forth.
Yes, my advice can be somewhat contradicted by your mentioned inspiration of Bolero. But I have to say that Bolero is quite a hard rock to chew and is a quite challenging song. Altering the main melodies and changing it through multiple instruments and stacking different timbre for additional harmonic content is a balancing act that is its own art and Ravel having a neurological disorder by that time is its own can of worms.
don’t want to discourage you in any way or form or even want to bash you or your composition. It is a part we all had struggled through and needed to work on, so I have to commend that you’ve submitted your work. So please don’t let my words be a letdown. Hopefully we might see us in a following contest. I wish you nothing but the best of luck and also fun in your embarked journey.