Post by Darkk wolf in Pulled by Strings comments

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Cool VN but here's a improvement you need to do:

1 - You should be careful when using the ost from other VNs. Echo project and other creators might have a problem with you for using their ost's in your VN without permission, i recommend start looking for royalty free music and use those instead.

2 - Despite the story having an interesting plot, some interactions feel weird and there are too many characters being introduced simultaneously. The info dumping doesn't help either, and at some points i got the urge to just start skipping parts but i pushed through and managed to finish. Try working on the pacing and gradually introducing the characters and concepts so it isn't overwhelming. Take for example the intro, Eric is injured but we don't get an explanation of why or how, there is no need to say exactly how it happen but give an ideia through Eric thoughts. And the hospital scene, someone is talking about something Eric doesn't know and he just rolls with it, that's not how people work, we always try to get as much information about the situation, especially when the MC has amnesia.

3 - Speaking of concepts, you should introduce the world and important concepts right in the beginning and expand on them as the story goes on, in order to keep the reader invested in the story. The first 5 minutes of a game or story are the most important because it determines how invested the reader will be in them. Setting a tone and expectations is really important and it works for you as well because it keeps you from falling off the path you want your story to take.

Those are just a few point of concern but other then that every thing looks great so keep up the good work, i'm looking forward for improvements and more updates. Don't give up

Elion3397 days ago (1 edit) (+2)

I'm sorry, but point 2 is just unfair.
The characters gets introduced but only in couple of two max, and each gets their own chapter, too much padding between introductions and it will just drag too much;

What happened to Eric is left a mistery on purpose because it will be relevant to the story later on, already knowing what happened to him will just spoil future parts of it;

I could see the hospital scene being confusing but at the same time it's because Eric is most likely subconsciusly aware of what's happening, even if amnesyac, so he's just riding the events.

The author is doing his best to provide a fantastic experience, I have full trust in him, let the story unfold, it will be a great experience.

The_Final_Bear97 days ago (5 edits) (+2)

Point 1 is irrelevant: Every piece of music used in the VN is Royalty free or free to use non-commercially and every piece of music is credited in game.

All of the tracks ''''''taken'''''' from Echo like Court and Page are royalty free and can be used by anyone at any time by anyone for any purpose - if you who know how to access the YouTube Music Library, you can use it. It quite frankly doesn't matter what the Echo Project thinks - they don't own the rights to that music, the music was not made for Echo, it is theirs as much as mine or anyone else's.

Point 2: Well, I am no professional writer: so expect some scenes to feel a little weird - several scenes during ch1 will be updated next build.

You aren't supposed to know fully what is going on, that would - as lampshaded in game - spoil the story right at the beginning. The scene with Chase in the Hospital was also supposed to come off as confusing and Surreal as Eric is not fully acting as a fully functioning person during those scenes - And Chase is well, he has his own deal.

The thing with Character introductions is also something I can't really help, lots of people needed to be introduced for plot threads etc - and that won't be getting much better next build. I suppose this could've been addressed by breaking ch1 into 2 days but that was not in the plan.

Point 3: As I said before - lots of lore was left vague early as to not spoil the story - this is a mystery VN, there will be things that don't make sense at first.

I also am not really sure your point here, the first scene sets the tone for the overarching narrative, then you receive hints about the two major forces (Reps and the Memory Outbreak) at play in the game's world as early as the literal next scene before then formally being introduced to them both not even two scenes into chapter 1 alongside a necessary lore dump, ending off with the introduction of the three ''''''Main''''' characters, I don't think I could get any more concise than that other than improving the writing itself.

I rambled on a bit there, sorry.

Darkk wolf96 days ago

To start, i'd like to make some points of my original comment clearer. On the first point, i was already aware that some songs are from the public domain but i thought that some of those songs were Echo Project's and other creators original ost, that's why i mentioned the possibility of them getting mad about but, if the music used are from public domain then my mistake. On the second point, as someone who has read many VN's over the past decade i simply was trying to help by providing my point of view and a few ideas for improvement, there is no need to be a ''professional writer'' to write a conversation between two people. Other conversations that happen in the story flow more naturally and only the hospital one is ruff around the edges. Point 3 is mostly about world building, in other words, providing what can be considered the common sense of the world, in order for the reader to situate themselves with the new world they are exploring, something like a flavour text.

In the end my comment is just that, a comment and choosing to take the criticism and advice at face value or with a grain of salt is yours to make. I love reading VNs and have already read a lot of them, including many that ultimately died without an end because the creator lost their way and/or gave up half way. My hope was to help a new creator not only improve their story but also grow as a writer, by pointing out what i considered shortcoming in the writing or plot, but like i said before, it's just a comment. For the most part i enjoyed the VN and would like to see what will happen next in your story so goodluck

The_Final_Bear96 days ago (5 edits) (+2)

It's fine - I would rather people make sure they check these things before accusing others of stealing music, people could see that and absolutely get the wrong idea.

I am also sorry if my comment came across as harsh, that was not my intent. I can't and won't promise any significant changes to what you mentioned will be made for the time being, especially as there are other things to work on about the vn and those take priority, but in the future: maybe, I'll consider it.

Puromaruツ90 days ago (1 edit) (+1)

I'm just adding myself to say that it's good to leave comments and suggestions to improve this VN but you also have to take into account that the person, so the creator works alone for example or he is not a writer so it's It's normal that there are small problems at the beginning of the story plus the characters who are created the environment alone it's already not bad plus we must also take into account that each VN was created for several reasons already for me I find that each VN is unique in terms of the team that works on it or a person and on top of that, the story, the mysteries, the information, everything and the creator who created this masterpiece works alone, in short I try to say that each VN each creator creates his story with misunderstandings and waves of little or too much information but for me it does not matter and even if a VN dies or returns to the life at some point I trust this VN and I trust the creator who created it :(

itch.io

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