My feedback for Love Sick:
What your game does well:
It's plot is original, and I haven't seen or read something like it before.
The color palette is vibrant and fits the tone of the game's narrative.
What your game doesn't do well:
There were lots of points in the dialog where you wrote action text(ex: smiles slightly, flicks his hair back, etc). May not have been those exact words, but there were two problems with this:
- There wasn't any indicator, like asterisks, to distinguish action text from character lines. Everything blends in together.
- The game being a visual novel, one of the advantages of working in the medium is that you can 'show', not 'tell'.
- That is, rather than stating action text, you can illustrate it with a character's gesture, even if it's a subtle sprite change.
The gameplay was a straight line of dialog clicking. At least, the part I played was. There wasn't any variation or choice allowed to me as a the player, which is generally one of the reasons some stories get told as games. Right now, the player is just a bystander while the story unfolds and is being told to them.
Areas of Opportunity:
You have 5 characters, all with actions they take throughout the story. If you want to make this more of a game and not just a novel, I recommend giving the player a role to play. It can be as one of these 5 characters or as a 6th character/entity entirely.
Try to say more with less. If you do, in fact, have a section planned where there will be player choice involved the introduction could be cut down a little. It's really long, and I think we can learn more about the characters and their relationships to one another through gameplay.
I hope this feedback helps!