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This was really cool. You evoke great imagery with your writing.

Sometimes it feels like you're giving too much information unnecessarily. Like "Her blue eyes, now red" that would be enough. It's a great visualisation, continues the theme of transformation throughout the story "due to her vampiric condition" wasn't needed, you had honestly made that clear from the writing before. Not a problem in itself but you're better than you seem to think you are, if that makes sense.

Really loved the twins emerging from either side and the rearing horse with a flaming mane. Felt like I was part of the force about to crush those boney abominations.

(+1)

Thanks a lot for your help, and glad you like it!