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Memories's itch.io pageResults
| Criteria | Rank | Score* | Raw Score |
| Adherence to Theme | #12 | 3.593 | 3.593 |
| Overall | #16 | 3.654 | 3.654 |
| Flow & Clarity | #19 | 3.593 | 3.593 |
| Concepts & Originality | #20 | 3.778 | 3.778 |
Ranked from 27 ratings. Score is adjusted from raw score by the median number of ratings per game in the jam.
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Comments
This was a very enjoyable read! Your use of imagery and description is a fantastic addition to the story.
I like when stories are able to give us an entire epic in one short. It might have been interesting to see more done with the 'remembering what happened' gimmick, but Ravenna and clan's tale is definitely an interesting one on its own rite. Well paced, well wrote, well done.
this was a good read
A great read, I think my favorite so far! I actually quite liked the repetition of "she remembered" throughout. It emphasizes to the reader that each memory is significant to Ravenna, and it's significant that she remembers them. There's a couple places where the wording is a little unwieldy, but with some slight refinement, it would be perfect.
Really good at looking back, it’s the only story I’ve read that has been “after” the plan. I enjoyed it.
Great stuff, really felt the world. I suppose my only criticism is that you could show and not tell, bringing some of these scenes from flashback to the present will make them much more vibrant. There is a passivity to the past tense which can 'defangs' it somewhat. Agree with Omnitect and Buggritt, but great work!
The only work I read so far that reveals the theme very early on. Makes the work stand out and gives the time to explore the "what afterwards".
Well done!
Thank you so much for your kinldy words!
I think you did a pretty good job! I very much enjoyed the ending, and I liked the idea of her thinking back to her earlier life in a "how did we end up here" kinda vibe. My single piece of critique (besides maybe being a little too heavy-handed with some descriptions, which I think Buggritt covered pretty well and dont need to belabor it any further) I would say you didn't need to emphasize that we were reading a flashback as much as you did. Leading with a statement saying how she remembered/was thinking back on her past, and then one letting us know that she was turning her attention back to the present is probably all it would take, and it would prevent too much repetition of the same words and concepts.
That said, you did solid, Victor. Keep on keeping on, and I look forwards to reading your submissions in future Jams!
Thank you so much for your words!!!. It Will help me a lot ! Thx!
This was really cool. You evoke great imagery with your writing.
Sometimes it feels like you're giving too much information unnecessarily. Like "Her blue eyes, now red" that would be enough. It's a great visualisation, continues the theme of transformation throughout the story "due to her vampiric condition" wasn't needed, you had honestly made that clear from the writing before. Not a problem in itself but you're better than you seem to think you are, if that makes sense.
Really loved the twins emerging from either side and the rearing horse with a flaming mane. Felt like I was part of the force about to crush those boney abominations.
Thanks a lot for your help, and glad you like it!