I'm not entirely sure if this is just me not really being used to it yet, but I do feel like I went a little too far with how long the sentences were in some places. My writing tends to be slightly more concise than that most of the time, so this might be just me adjusting to that new, "experimental" way of writing and feeling strange out of the usual "comfort zone"? From the story perspective itself, though, I think some "teases" were unnecessary and could safely be cut out. After rereading the script a couple of times, I feel like I tried to take too many topics at once, and I can't help but wonder if I didn't overload the potential reader with information in a relatively short time. I talked to some friends and I heard from one of them that they're not entirely sure that they'd understand the storyline if they didn't have context I gave them beforehand, so clearly I had to either overcomplicate, underexplain or both at the same time