First and foremost, a huge shoutout to this VN for featuring characters with body shapes that aren't all just "perfectly shaped conventionally attractive anime girl"—and for having a variety of expressive poses for them, at that! I'd also like to take a moment to appreciate the CGs, especially the gorgeously rendered one of Grace at the bar~
Second, I respect the choice to use a stream of consciousness writing style. It's a difficult technique to execute well, not least because it's easy for it to boil over and inundate the reader with extraneous chatter, but I'd say you're doing a good job so far~ In particular, the transitions between following each of the different characters was quite fluid, and felt very natural.
Great work so far! I'm looking forward to the upcoming acts, heheh~