A very cool zine, although I think it's got too many pieces to fit into 8 pages. You've got:
- a new class
- a new ancestry
- a new gear section
- a complex set of factions and npcs
- a hex-crawl with a timed event list
To me, that didn't all fit into the space, making the whole a bit hard to read. That said, if you spread things out after the jam with a few more pages, I think this could really sing. Dedicate a page to each single topic so it's not jockeying with other elements for focus and I'll have an easier time parsing it.
Other notes:
- About the hours, are those only covered by the hex-crawl times, or does shadowdark realtime-play also count against it? I feel like realtime should count against it, but also like that's going to not add up. Like, my read of the hex-map says just going across the center, 1->3->8, would take 11 hours. Add in many events in real-time, you're running out of hours, and that's only 3 locations hit.
If players try to go in any more complex routes, I feel like they're gonna only be able to get to a few, and never double back, which means they probably are deciding on their route at the start, before arriving at locations has informed them enough about the decision to choose a more informed route.
I think that, in practice, I would run it with the travel-times halved, and possibly some other things to give the PCs more freedom to operate in that 24 hours span. - Also about the hours, you say that "Hour 1 starts at 8 PM, 24 hours before the Lunar Shadow", but on the hours table you have "20 - Lunar shadow cloaks the valley in darkness", so it sounds like hour 1 is 19 hours short of the lunar shadow.
- More on the hours: I'm not sure what happens after hour 24. Maybe I just missed it, but if that's the case, I think this falls under the overcrowded page concern again.
- Final note, the hexmap is not on the same page as the hex descriptions, nor even on the facing page if viewed in two-page view, which makes that difficult to work with.
Hopefully this comes across as the constructive criticism I meant it to be. It's a very cool zine and I love the ideas, especially the fleaborn as a race, having something that makes more sense than vampires fighting against the werewolves. Not sure if you're going to revise it after the jam is over, but if you do, maybe my thoughts help out a bit. Whether you make changes or not, very cool zine.