I'm fairly impressed with the editing quality in the new section of 0.23, but I did run into a quote from Susan, "far to eager" should be "far too eager".
You do very well. Simple rule is that lay takes an object, but lie does not. So, you lay the book on the table, but at that point, the book lies on the table. So people lie together in bed. They do not lay together. "Rachel was lying there naked." I'm probably the only one who notices.
Another error: In Part II of the Sasha story, you say she was wearing the same shirt, "like she'd just came out of bed." SB like she'd just come...