I’ve just finished playing version 0.6.
- My biggest criticism concerns the low credibility of the story. Many events and reactions are completely irrational. For example, a student goes missing, another is murdered, yet no one seems to care. Or the scene where the MC encounters the female gang in the subway—seriously? Let’s also look at the relationship with Filo, whom the MC has known since she was 8. Why are their paths and skills so different when they grew up together and were raised by the MC’s grandfather?
- Why is the MC so important in this story that everyone is constantly willing to help him and risk their lives for him? Even his enemies rescue him from dangerous situation. I understand that the reason might be hidden, but why do even those who don’t know this reason act like this? Does the MC have the mentality of a leader that would justify his friends’ and gang’s motivations? He does not.
- In my opinion, the MC is quite annoying, which is a serious red flag. Players won’t identify with a character they don’t like, so they’ll likely abandon the game.
- He behaves too childishly for his age, with the wrong type of humor.
- He constantly apologizes to everyone. I was even waiting for the moment when he’d start crying on some girl shoulder.
- He is inconsistent and many times become useless. He managed to plan a store robbery in one day like an experienced tactician, yet he’s completely unable to assess risks or understand the events happening around him. Making mistakes is understandable and makes him human (which is good), but why doesn’t he learn anything from them? All he can do is apologize. Why doesn’t this motivate him to work on himself, to think deeper and analyze his mistakes? Why is it others who have to think for him, teach him or rescue him, like when Orisse starts training him in proper way? He don't even have his own money. It is other women that pays for his life. And yet, this same MC, depending on the player’s choice and buged storyline, can be extremely masculine and dominant all his girls—even with Filo, who openly desires this. As I mentioned: it’s inconsistent.
Overall, though, I appreciate the work put into this. Creating a game isn’t easy. My advice, if I may be so bold, is to think through whether the plot is consistent, logical, and believable, and whether the characters have well-defined personalities (strengths and weaknesses). I wish you all the best!