I have been normal and thinking the similar way. Even with so much power there is such a divide between 'ambition' and plain stuff, which keeps tripping me up and it's so hopeless to do both. Not even that it's especially difficult to work with either one it's just the lack of both. It was always going to reduce to some kind of 'backloop hellscape, being able to calibrate it to offload to other people is good but really so painful (does this make it unpainful?) vs not doing that and still having it work somehow