Post by Bazcus in Deep into the Sand (unfinished prototype) comments

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First of all, the art style of this project is really good! The color, the rough brushstrokes, beautiful.

The premise of the story is interesting, a post-apocalyptic world with Fungus parasites. Cool!

SPOILERS

The teenager's dialogue confuses me a bit, because she sounds very mature at some points, and at others she doesn't.

It also makes me wonder about the time frame, because it feels like it's been a while since the apocalypse started, and yet a teenager remembers pre-apocalypse stuff.

This also makes me wonder how long she's been living on her own in the city if it is infected and in ruins.

All in all, great potential if some rough edges are polished.

blossomingRuin10 days ago

good day thank you for your feedback, at the time of writing the idea was to have the time inbetween the appocalypse and the happening in the story to be circa a year, but I will most probably rethink it in the finished version of the first chapter, most probably to 1-3 months.

I still struggle a lot with characterising characters in my writing. I wanted with Lea to go into a direction of a serious mature (in mind) character which shows her childish site especially by complaining. but I will nonetheless try to work more on it as well, to make it feel more organic.

itch.io

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