A very solid start! The writing flows steadily, and the presentation is simply immaculate; in particular, I'd like to compliment the gorgeously rendered sprites and all the nice animations. If there's something to nitpick, the art direction does feel sort of all over the place – the sprites are an order of a magnitude less cartoony than everything surrounding them, especially the logo. I think you can sense the game's concept and tone shifting a little during development, as apparently happened.
Besides that, I guess I'd say the audio doesn't always have the same kind of pop as the visuals. For instance, the car scene feels like it could maybe use sound design physical enough to match the lively animation – how quiet the backing ambience track is kind of creates a dissonance between what you see and what you hear. Also, as with the visuals, some of the music may be just a little too high-energy for the largely serious tone the finished product ends up having.
These points represent comparatively slight problems in the big picture; I just don't really have that much to say about at the story at this point, since it felt like we just got through all the setup. It's a good read, though, looking forward to more!