I am reading just now this is your first game, first let me say: Great job with the art and CGs, it all looks amazing!
The story is interesting but the beginning is kinda slow, I know this is just a demo or the prologue but the first part could use some rewriting (in my opinion at least) The story does pick up as it goes and it finishes in a very interesting cliffhanger!
The obvious thing to mention is that the lack of music or background sound really brings all the experience down a few notches, even stock music would do since the art more than makes up for it.
Keep up the good work!