It's a bit boring going through the party but I believe that's because we already know how this party is from the beginning thanks to pop culture's love for frats. I'd say add some sound here and remove anything that seems too redundant. I like the interactions we're having so far!
I don't believe the intro is rushed at all. If anything it sounds like there's a mystery afoot! It also feels like there might be a romantic route in here.
Oh and I must say, I don't know what format you're using to make it look like a book snippet but's it's working! Try making the font a bit bigger (12 or 14) if you can!