Post by phoray in Made Marion Demo comments

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I completed the demo, and thought to offer the thoughts of a future customer, as I definitely appreciate Indie Otome and support appropriately.

1. Why would an Agendered person assume the gender of Marion? They should similarly ask for Marion's pronouns as well if we're going through the trouble of having the conversation.

2. It takes me out of the role of the character for MC to be automatically written as attracted to all the love interests. If I the player are not attracted to certain characters, why isn’t the couple of lines about attraction a quick choice?

3. I really object to the over familiarity. Non consensual touching is a big dislike of mine. A stranger playing with my hair makes me feel like an object, and kissing hands in greeting or goodbye is almost appropriate but kissing it in the middle is just kinda weird.

4. The dancing transitions should slide more slowly. It’s meant to mimic a dance and I felt more “jerked around" than fluidic dancing and maybe going more slowly would help.

5. Not a fan of the greensleeves voice work but music is super subjective.

6. Writing wise, I have no idea why Marion would tell someone right off the bat about their situation. What was the point of the disguise if you tell someone you're wearing a mask within days of donning it?

Anyway, as much as I just complained, it's in my follow list and it'll be a buy when it comes out. I'll probably just ignore the stuff I don't like like I always do, but I hope my comments help anyway.

Velvet Cupcake Games3 years ago(+5)

Thanks for the feedback! There are narrative reasons for a few of the things you're wondering about, so they'll become more clear once you get into the characters' routes.

Marion is not meant to be a 100% self-insert character. She's more like a pre-created character that you're able to role-play through in-game choices to a certain extent. She is canon bi/pansexual, for example, and though that doesn't play much of a role in the routes in which she romances men, it's still who she is.

I wanted to write a story with a protagonist who has a strongly-expressed personality and a clear background. Because of this, she will have interests and preferences that differ from the player's. This is true of every visual novel, even the ones that actively encourage self-insert characters. It's impossible to write a narrative that works for the preferences of every player, so the best I can do is try to be true to Marion and her story.

The dancing transitions are definitely something I'm still working on, as I'll be working with another coder who is more skilled at Ren'py animations than I am during full development.

phoray3 years ago

excellent. Thank you for taking what I said as only helpful comments, I've given feedback before and the response was really mean so I appreciate that you were quite kind to me while standing in for your integrity of art.

itch.io

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