Really impressed with the art on this! Nice lighting in detail.
The story, while good, did go on a little long. In proof reading, make sure to cut down on lines that feel like they same thing twice or feel too wordy. One of the best ways to do this is put your script into microsoft word and have the computer voice read the script out loud to you. It reads it at a slow pace and makes it really easy to catch the parts that are too wordy!
Since the game did go on a little long, we almost missed the true ending, but when we went back for it... it all clicked into place. Really well done with ending, and the story as a whole. Just trim down the length here and there and you'll be golden!
Keep up the good work!!
-Sasha