To be honest, I did exit the game without even saving because of the spelling errors and awkward phrasing. Am I sensitive? Not really. But I love reading, and those problems did prevent me from feeling immersed in the story.
I speak another language besides English. Could I write a story in that other language? Probably not without a lot of help, and I'm pretty fluent in that second language. From the type of spelling errors and awkward phrasing, it was clear to me before reading your comment that you were non-Native English speakers. You absolutely can fix the obvious spelling errors and replace some of the directly translated terminology and phrases with ones that are more authentic. I'm not sure, as I haven't played more than a brief bit of your game, but if your game is good, putting that effort in can make it very good, great, or even excellent. Up to you, though!
Alternatively, you could always write the game in your native language. I've played some VNs in the my next-most fluent language and found it very enjoyable, as well as a good way to build my skills.