Okay, I'm 40 pages in and I guess it's way too verbose at times, with stuff like unnecessary clarifications for things that have been well established already (for example, "Except that life mattered,dang it (if it was Mark or Crissy)" - yeah, I get it, some characters are stronger than others, I kept that in mind and I won't call you inconsistent if you omit that fact now and then). Still, it's interesting enough that I'm going to read the whole thing.
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Thanks for reading it! And you're definitely right, some of my book work tends to over-explain some things in a couple of places. It's something that I've been trying to fix in my writing over the last few years, but that I sometimes have trouble with in long book pieces because I literally forget if I mentioned it or not, and then I don't catch it in editing because I'm trying to edit a bit too quickly to meet deadlines (that and I am nowhere near being able to afford a professional editor to catch them). I really appreciate you letting me know so I can keep it in mind as something to strive to do better on in future books.
As for illustrations, I never actually thought of doing that! I'll keep that in mind for later works as well. I initially thought I might stick in some screenshots, but figured copyright rules could get dicey and didn't want to get in trouble.